Hello, I am an international student from Macao and plan to apply Purdue University.
May I seek help here to have someone took a look at my essay?
please leave your criticism/comments! Thank you!
Topic:
Envision yourself near the end of a fulfilling, lifelong career and you just published your autobiography. Share the title and introduction.
My response:
The search of Higgs Particles and my life
Introduction:
When I was a small kid, I loved reading fantasy fictions very much. I enjoyed reading the adventure in those epic stories and I wished one day I could have chance to participate in an exciting adventure in my life like the characters in those fantasy fictions. Of course, I realized that it is impossible to make the plots of fantasy story come true in the real world when I grown up. However, I think that I have make my dream come true in some sense. What do I mean? Remember that I am a physicist! I have spent much time of my life on the investigation of the fundamental principles of the universe, especially in search of Higgs Particles. Personally, I think the process of such investigation somehow like those exciting adventures in fantasy fictions. It is amazing, meaningful and has led to some innovation of our world. I cannot wait anymore to share the exciting story of the discovery of Higgs Particles in this book with you. But before that, I want to give you a rough recognition of who I am and the reasons why I choose to be a physicist.
I was born in Macao, a small city with prosperous gaming and tourism Industry. To be honest, I did not like the educational system there very much because students can only study science subject or arts subject once they became grade10 student and it is not good for their whole person development. Nevertheless, I chose to study science subjects because
I thought I could achieve impressive scores in these subjects at that time. Unlike many of my friends who have great interest in the fields of chemical sciences, biological sciences or medicine, I prefer studying Physics. However, I even didn't know why I love this field ! May be I just thought that studying Physics would make me look quite cool among most of my friends who prefer studying Chemistry, Biology and hate Physics at that time! Until I met an amazing guy, Richard Feynman and his publications, I knew more about the reality of Physics and discovered the reason why I love it. I love Physics because the law of Physics describe the fundamental relationship between everything such as energy, matter, space and time in our universe. This was agree with my character because I always sought to understand everything in the deepest way. Meanwhile, I also realized that it did not mean that Physics can replace other science such as Chemistry and Biology because there are still a lot of questions in these fields that cannot be answer by Physicists easily. From that time, I was not the boy who just wanted to pretend to be a more special guy with his extra Physics knowledge anymore. I became a more mature teenager who had determined to be a physicist that is able to make new discoveries which may be applied to other fields to change our world. My dream of discovering the Higgs particles which has been searched for a long time by particle physicists also began at that time. If you want to participate the epic journey of discovering the Higgs Particles with me, go to the next page!
UntilWhen I met an amazing guy, Richard Feynman and his publications, I knew discovered more about the reality of Physics and discovered the reason why I love it.
Yes I like it...So what you are trying to show the reader is how you fell in love with physics?????....My only worry is(and this is out of context,but I want to help) if your wasting a place to show your creativity on a "why physics essay"....IF you already have an essay similar to why you like physics than think of something else...but if this is the only essay which explains your love and reason for physics major then KEEP IT!!!!!!!
