Second Bachelor's Statement for Linguistics - Flow and Cohesion

I have some concerns about verb tense and maintaining a clear idea, thank you for taking the time to read.

Bachelor's Statement essay

Prompt:

Submit a statement explaining the reasons you want to enroll as a candidate for a second bachelor's degree.
In this statement, explain why you are interested in the major you have chosen for your second degree.

Answer:

While my chance introduction to Linguistics happened late in my first college experience, the subject changed the course of my education and post-graduate life and continues to fascinate me. I would like to deepen my understanding of language, its relationship to culture, how it is preserved and rediscovered, and to apply myself in the field for which I have great interest; I feel there is no better way to start this path than to apply for a second bachelor's degree in Linguistics. I originally received a Bachelor of Science in Interdisciplinary Studies from _______ University in 2013, graduating summa cum laude, honors earned as a direct result of the linguistics and language classes in which I was enrolled.

I first entered college with the intent to major in Biology with an English minor. I found my interests in grammar and etymology fit in well enough with English, and many analytical exercises found a home in science classes. I transferred schools for a more specialized science degree but struggled to find my place in academia and lacked a solid direction, which led me to a less specific major. With graduation in sight, I was fortunate enough to be required a linguistics class.

After being required to take only an introductory course in the subject, I managed to fit three additional Linguistics courses into my final quarters of study, and it quickly became the subject to which all others were compared. I found studying the structure of English and theories on second language acquisition most intriguing, and sharing new ideas and information with others who also had these interests was a new and encouraging experience. This rekindled my love of learning and saw my academic standing greatly rise, along with my participation on campus.

While taking these classes I began tutoring several international students through the Linguistics Club on campus. What was scheduled as a thirty-minute session often lasted several hours as my counterparts and I discussed language. I found this a wonderful opportunity to explore the structure of English and how it compared to the first languages of those I worked with.

This work led directly to my post-graduation interest in joining the Peace Corps as an English teacher. As such I was fortunate enough to be able to teach in a rural Ethiopian high school where, I was excited to learn, the students enjoyed grammar lessons. To be eligible for University in Ethiopia, my students were recommended at least an intermediate high grasp of English, so I felt great responsibility in my presentation and clarification of the topic. I created a lesson plan that tied in their preferred method of chalk-and-talk with more interactive lessons and games that I had learned in the West. My students seemed to find me entertaining, and I appreciated having a captive audience to excitedly lecture to about language.

In my last quarters of study and the work that followed, I feel I only scratched the surface of understanding and exploring Linguistics. My first degree afforded me the opportunity to develop study and work skills, and I am eager to put those skills into practice.

I would like to pursue a bachelor's degree in Linguistics to build a more solid understanding of the subject and its many specializations, while focusing on areas such as language revitalization, second-language acquisition, and comparative linguistics. I feel that the University of _____ is the perfect environment for this, given the Language Revitalization Lab and large catalogue of linguistics and language classes available. Upon completion of a bachelor's, I would like to continue my education in Linguistics at the University of ____ as well.

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Since this is a secondary college major, you should be focused on using your professional experiences to better explain the reasons for your interest in Linguistics. Your background is too undergraduate focused so it doesn't really help create the relevant explanation of why a secondary degree would be helpful to your career. You should use only specific information from this essay to create a more proper secondary college major proposal. These paragraphs are, in order of relevance and requirement:

Par. 1: I would like to pursue a bachelor's degree in Linguistics to ... and comparative linguistics. I was fortunate ... clarification of the topic.

Par. 2: I would like to deepen...which I was enrolled. While my chance ... to fascinate me

Par. 3: After being required ...my participation on campus. In my last ...skills into practice.

Par. 4: I feel that the University of ... University of ____ as well.

Expand on these given paragraphs to give a better focus to the clarity of the second degree and its importance.

@Holt, thank you very much for your feedback. I've reworked my essay using this as my base and am hopeful.