"Why don't you take a look at the University of Chicago?" my father asked. At that moment, that wasn't the most attractive idea. I had never thought about the University of Chicago as a prospective school. When my father noticed that I was hesitant, he withdrew saying that it all depended on what I wanted or preferred. That night when my father left, I decided to look up the University of Chicago on the internet. What was most obvious about the University of Chicago was its academic diversity. "Every school has that!" I thought to myself, trying to justify my ignorance about the school. As an international student, it is of utmost importance to me to attend a school that caters to all my interests, structures itself around people like me and would help nurture my talents. University of Chicago surprisingly provides all these.
The University of Chicago with its welcoming environment, culturally rich and ethnically diverse community of students and eclectic academic courses is the perfect place for me. Being born and raised in the most populous country in Africa, I grew up amidst poverty and squalor. I was inspired by my father, who as a doctor dedicated his life to helping and saving the lives of the Nigerian people. My first dream as a child and now as a teenager has been inspired by my determination to make my country and its people better. This dream has given me a definite and straight- forward outlook on life and plays a major part on who I am today and what I represent as a person. I strongly believe that the University of Chicago is the first step towards achieving that dream. The University Community Service Centre promises to educate me better on the best ways to help my country. I hope to share ample ideas and also obtain useful ideas from the members of this wonderful organization. Their success in helping the people of the world by founding voluntary organizations that deal with world health issues has greatly inspired me. And then the obvious question arises, "why Chicago?" Visiting Chicago in 2008 was a life changing experience. Out of all the cities in America it struck a chord inside of me. Apart from its amazing skyline, I am inspired by everything it represents. However, what stands out for me is its evolution. It has been able to develop itself, from a small city, near a portage between the Great lakes and Mississippi river water shed to a major transportation and communication hub in North America. It was able to rebuild itself and grow even after the tragedy of the Great Chicago fires in 1871. Chicago's ability to develop and reinvent itself represents qualities which I have always strived to attain in my life. The intimate and special bond shared between me and this great city naturally makes it the best place to pursue my dreams and achieve my goals. I look forward to chasing my dreams at the University Of Chicago.
what do u guys think?
Hey Golden!
I see you are being sincere here, though - think about it - would a university like hearing that it wasn't the most attractive idea for you and that you were hesitant about it? It would make the admissions officer think that Chicago University is just a safety. Even though you say you have changed your mind - of course, since you're applying! - I don't think that it is a good way to start the "why chicago?". If you really want to keep it though, I'd suggest that you made it milder. Emphasize more on the fact that you were hesitant because of the lack of information about the college. Other than this part, I think this writing is pretty solid.
Also, thank you for your feedback on my essay about volley. I made some changes, now it is shorter and possibly more focused - could you please take a look at it again? Thanks :)
Agreed w/ Argit! No need to refer to website research either--it detracts from the efficacy of your case.
Your essay gets stronger as it progresses. I like the concept of Chicago as a bastion for regrowth and resilience, but would keep this idea short since it is rather conceptual. The focus of your essay should be why UChicago. I might mix up the format entirely just to keep this essay fresh and focused. How about the following structure:
-Open with a brief introduction about Chicago and how it managed to rebuild itself--you could create a really interesting parallel between Chicago and Nigeria (but show how Nigeria still has progress to be made). Was UChicago and education a part of this long-term rebuilding process?
-Explore what UChicago has to offer you as concretely as possible. How is UChicago (not just Chicago the broader city) an extension of the city's resilience and will? Try to cover academic coursework (perhaps work that is tethered to the community--any city planning or policy courses that interest you???), student organizations, programs, etc. Emphasize 'fit' which dictates sharing more of your specific interests. What do you want to do with your career?
This framework might help you create a more vivid and purposeful story. Best of luck!
Cheers,
Brooke
