I'm not sure if this essay is okay..but please feel free to leave your opinions!
btw, i didn't know how to indent on this thread..so just ignore that part! :)
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?
The most prominent influences in my life do not come from a single person, but from a small group of people that I would like to refer to as my second family. The most special thing about my second family is that they are all victims of different mental illnesses, yet every day, they strive to become the best of who they were created to be. Despite the number of times they must try, despite how long it may take them, despite what anyone else will say about them, this group always looks forward to living their lives.
For more than three years that I have spent working with my second family, there was never a day where I felt discouraged. They have taught me to dream big, to pursue something unimaginable to others, to never submit to my weaknesses. That is why I chose to devote my life to bettering the lives of others and I believe that Northwestern is the perfect place for me to join others, who are always dreaming big, who are always taking risks.
I believe that Northwestern will provide me with an excellent environment where I can discover my talents and expertise so that I may someday be able to return the favor to my second family. With a surrounding of exuberant students and professors who enjoy learning and understanding, I will also be able to inherit an earnest effort for greater understanding.
Although Northwestern and Long Island are separated by an extensive distance, being away from a place so familiar is exactly the kind of experience I have been looking for. I have come to realize that I am not always going to have parents who will pamper me through my life; eventually, I will have to learn to walk on my own and so, I believe that spending my utmost important years of college in Northwestern will allow me to develop a sense of my own identity, my own uniqueness.
As I prepared myself to turn the page into a new chapter of my life, I contemplated on the things that kept me content and eager to learn. The Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences is exactly the kind of school that will prepare me to reach beyond all possibilities. As a pioneer school in research, there will be an endless opportunity to learn and discover. With the guidance of numerous award-winning scholars, my eyes will be opened up to a whole new level of intellect and aptitude. With the leadership of professional advisors, I will not have to suffer in making mistakes through the crucial life choices I must make. With the abundant amount of educational and motivating activities, my body and mind will learn to cope with stress. Most importantly, with the immeasurable support from my family, professors, and friends, I will be able to make a difference in this world.
I know that my future is just beginning to take shape, but with the faculty and staff who are devoted and passionate about their lives, their students, and their world, I will be able to fulfill my desire to leave a mark on this world. Northwestern provides me with the best opportunity and I am eager to take on the challenges I am about to face for the sake of those people who have sacrificed beyond their capability so that I may chase after my dream.
I love your introduction- it is incredibly powerful.
In the three years I have spent working with my second family, there was never a day where I felt discouraged
I believe that Northwestern will provide me with an excellent environment where I can discover my talents and expertise so that I may someday be able to return the favor to my second family. With a surrounding of exuberant students and professors who enjoy learning and understanding, I will also be able to inherit an earnest effort for greater understanding.
The above paragraph seems a bit nebulous. You begin your essay with how your second family taught you to dream big. You may want to tweak this paragraph so that it directly correlates with big dreams. Additionally , exuberant is not quite the word your looking for. Its connotative definition makes it a little too over the top. How about "enthusiastic"?
You discuss "The Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences," but it seems too general and generic. If you have selected a major already or have plans regarding your future profession, narrow the paragraph down to address that. Colleges love to see specificity, especially someone who has done research on particular programs they are interested in.
Finally, your last paragraph is solid, but can be interpreted a generic as well. Your last line is great, but if you can mention the "dreaming big" motif that you discussed near the beginning of your essay, you can add to the writing's intensity.
Overall, nice job and keep up the good work!
Hi,
You should try to portray a message in your essay that states that Northwestern University is 'unique' in your own perspective. Try to bring that out and focus on Northwestern, in general. Because then they will think that you are really interested in NU as a whole, and not any other school.
Well, I recently got accepted into NU by Early decision. And in my essay I only spoke about NU, and it's distinctive programs and facilities; not about common things found in many schools.
I hope that helped.
i agree with DrAculEx, while this is a nicely written essay and i like the theme, this is a supplement asking you why you want to go to the college, if your going to focus alot on your story like you do, you better also give some real concrete, specific reasons that you want to go to northwestern. Use details, make this so this isn't an essay that can just be used for any other school which is the fault of most supplement essays. Target northwestern, target the school of arts and sciences, its huge, theres something specific you have to like. Good luck, im applying there also, if you get a chance, could you read my common app essay. Thanks alot
I just want to thank all of you for helping me!!!
I really appreciate it :)
