Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As a second generation child from a family that came to America, it was difficult for me to understand why my family was so different from the typical American family. We didn't barbeque, didn't find what was so fascinating about football, didn't have Sunday brunches, and the list continues on. Growing up in an environment that was, very often, different from that of my peers has shaped who I have become today. I no longer feel embarrassed because my family doesn't eat turkey for thanksgiving, because I can speak a different language, or because I can't ask my mom for help with my homework. All these aspects that make me different make me proud of my culture, my family, and myself.
Arriving in America as refugees without any formal education beyond the first years of high school was extremely trying for my mom. At the age of three, my parents split up and my dream of becoming the typical American family continued to fade away. Raising three children as a single parent was an excruciating task for my mom. She worked long, arduous hours performing menial tasks and I couldn't grasp the reason why she couldn't go to my school concerts or back to school nights. But, she taught me to persevere and to excel in anything I applied myself to.
My sense of determination and drive to always perform my best work was instilled in me at a young age. In elementary school, I took the greatest care in every homework assignment and went over my homework numerous times to make sure it was my best work. This continued all throughout middle school and the beginning of high school. In my sophomore year however, the resentment I felt at my mom's restrictions on my social life and the pressure she put on me to do well in school was at an all-time high. In a childish way, I stopped doing my work and slacked off as a way to get back at her, resulting in a 'C' in my trigonometry class. However, at the beginning of my junior year, I realized how important it was that I did my best in everything I attempted because it was a reflection of my work and of who I was, not of my mom. I finally understood that although my mom pushed me to do my best to reach the ultimate goal- college, it became clear to me that I would never be successful in reaching this goal unless I was doing it for me. This realization has motivated me to succeed in anything I wish to pursue- my dream of obtaining a higher education. I wish to become a success and to be able to provide for my family in the way my mom wished she would have been able to for her children had she been given the opportunity. My drive and determination has returned in full force, and I am prepared to tackle any challenge that I may face.
I feel this may be a bit general.. any thoughts, comments or constructive criticism is appreciated and welcomed!
Personally I think this is well done.. Unfortunately, I don't think it answers the prompt... it asks for your dreams and aspirations and although you caught my attention, I don't think it says anything about your dreams.
I think its fine, although it partially answer the prompt. It isn't too general (not everyone has split parents and came from a first generation class, etc); however, I feel that you leave out too many details. For example, you make me wonder what it is in junior year that made you realize doing your best is important? You say that being different from everyone else has affected you, but how specifically?
You also need to more directly answer to prompt. What are your dreams and aspirations? Reading this, I didn't get a clear picture of what your ultimate goal is.
