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Seconds become minutes, and then hours, and then days, but I will value every single one.


Shiro 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2015   #1
Stanford short: What matters to you, and why?(100 to 250 words)

Is this essay depressing in a bad way, off-topic, or just not good enough? Thank you for the help!

A second becomes a minute, a minute becomes an hour, an hour becomes a day, and soon enough, a year has passed. It was like that for the color blue. The sky in Beijing, China when I first visited was a clear cerulean. A dome of endless blue that caressed the city skyline with an untainted innocence. But four years was all it took to smear a thick layer of gray over it. The smoke seeps into every corner of the city. It veils your eyes and forces its way into your throat. This was my second visit, full of coughing fits and dry lips. I missed the China of my childhood, when I didn't have to worry about the severe pollution or how dirty the rain was.

Time flies. It flies on wings that beat to the rhythm of the ticking second hand. The city shrouded in gray taught me this. I see more than ever the seconds in life that drift away from the end of my grandmother's cigarette and the glaring orange bottles of medicine on my father's desk. My younger brother suddenly shot up and is taller than me now. My older brother is about to graduate college and find a job. I think about how fast things can change in a moment without me even noticing.

Seconds become minutes, and then hours, and then days, but I will value every single one.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Dec 4, 2015   #2
Hi Catherine, the essay that you developed is not off topic, neither is it dark and depressing. However, I can't really say that it is good enough. The weakness of the essay lies in its lack of focus on one topic. By presenting many topics to represent what matters to you the most, you ended up not really being able to develop the discussion so that the reviewer will learn about why these things matter to you. Rather than presenting so many representations, just one, the most important one to you and then develop that fully.

Your opening statement about the loss of the cerulean blue skies of China was effective. It was descriptive enough to have the reviewer imagining what you were describing and why it mattered to you. The topic you chose was timely and allowed you to discuss a topic, that of global warming and pollution with regards to its effects on your country. Everyone is familiar with the pollution problem that Beijing is facing. So when you spoke of missing the China that you grew up in, it really managed to touch a chord within the reader.

My advice would be to have you develop that particular topic instead for this statement topic. I believe that you have all of the existing elements to make it a highly effective response. It is perhaps, the best choice for you at this point. If you have a different idea for the topic you want to develop though, then go ahead and do so. You will always develop the topic that is closest to your heart in the best possible manner.


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