My secret
The secret I have hidden for years is that my mum died of cancer when I was only 5. From that moment, my life has been changed: my family moved to the downtown from the suburban community where we had been living together before my mum passed away. The striking Red Cross of the hospital, the kid playing in her mum' arms and even just the word "Mum" had become razor-sharp swords which could easily stab me. However, worst of all, my father remarried a beautiful woman-my stepmother, and soon they welcomed a new baby-my younger sister. All the changes indicated that I would no longer be dad's dearest daughter and my family was completely smashed.
In those years, I burrowed myself in the world of my own, obstinately believing that I was the poorest child on the earth until I knew a special pen friend, Wang Hui, an unfortunate young girl. In her first letter, she described her family and dream: having lost both of her parents, she was adopted by an elderly granny with other 54 children. Although she could afford any drawing paper and pigment, she still treasured her dream of becoming a painter. The whole letter brimmed with optimism and hope, and at the back of the writing paper, she drew a small sapling in bud as a gift for me. I cried for her toughness and my weakness. When I calmed down, I decided to make a change in order that my mum in the heaven would set her mind at rest.
I got back my dream and my mum's expectation: keeping drawing and seeing the outside world to record the beauty for her. So I took up drawing again. In my middle school, I learned to shoot and climb mountains, like Mount Siguniang, Xishuangbanna, and Xiling Snow Mountain... recording anywhere I have been for my mother. Moreover, I took the initiative to walk out of my own world, starting to pay attention to my surroundings. I began to realized that I should cherish everything, for somebody or something might be gone forever within a second. Gradually, I integrated myself into a new life, looking for ties for my father, cooking with my stepmother, teaching my little sister to draw, a sense of fulfillment filled me all the time.
Delightedly, such a sense of fulfillment urged me to care for the disadvantaged. Maybe because of my unfortunate experience, I knew some things hidden in my heart would mow down my willpower bit by bit. Although without enough money, knowledge and strength, I could go for it, just as my mum said, "Do what you can do". On holidays, I came to WANG Hui's home, helping her search herbs for tuition and sending her pigments and drawing papers; in primary school, I called on my classmates to collect hardboards for blind children; in high school, I encouraged classmates to teach children English in Tianlin Hope Primary School and showed the pupils the outside world by pictures. Every time I see Zou Yifan (a child with congenital heart disease) wearing a smile while playing table tennis with me, and hear Pan Tao (a boy walking along the mountain roads for one and a half hours to school every day, just for a dream-entering university) promise me that he would stick to his dream in any case, I am convinced that I can do more and better.
Many friends do not understand why I am always eager to keep myself busy, but I never tell them my secret. Should I tell them because my mum died when I was five? I think they could not understand. By understanding the fragile nature of life, I realize how important it is to appreciate all that is around me while I have it. That is the most valuable lesson my mother gives me by her life (Many years later, I learn that if she paid less attention to her research, her disease can be cured.) In the future, I will have access to more places, recording every corner of the world; I will be equipped with more knowledge and abilities to help those people in need. Whether in China, the United States or other places, I will gather more like-minded people to achieve more dreams people are pursuing.
I am a faithful adherent of dream, so I would carry my wonderful dream and mum's expectations to a pilgrimage.
Thank you for readingļ¼
Nice topic. I'm sorry about your mom :(
I think the opening should be more attention-grabbed, is this a secret You've been hiding from your friends? or who? Maybe it should not be
"The secret I have hidden for years is that my mum died of cancer when I was only 5."
I think u might cut only to :
"My mom died of cancer when I was only five." I think it might be better. Its just my opinion.
Thank you, hanhdung~~
Actually I had written something about when my friends head about my mom's death, how shocked they were. And I tried to hide it from all my friends, but it is really hard.
But after reading the whole essay, I feel it was a little bit unappropriate.
I think your advise is good. It's concise.
I think it is indeed a nice approach, really, to the point where you come to realization of fulfilling your life with joy rather than remorse. But to make the approach be at its best effect, you have some work to do.
The part where u describe the pain, make them feel it with you. I love the part where u've come to the happy side of life. Very delightful. :)
...that I would no longer be dad's dearest daughter, and I felt that my family was completely smashed.
Should I tell them that I cherish life because of a revelation I had when my mum died? when I was five? Only say "when I was five" one time.
What does this sentence mean----> Many years later, I learn that if she paid less attention to her research, her disease can be cured. I'm confused by it.
I think you should type fifty-four instead of 54, five instead of 5.
:-)))
EF_Kevin
Thanks!!!every constructive advise.
I agree with Hangdung. You have a very nice prompt, and I reallly enjoyed reading it. However, I think you should have a more attention grabbing sentence.
Although she could hardlyafford any drawing paper and pigment, she still treasured her dream of becoming a painter.
Gradually, I integrated myself into a new life, looking for ties for my father, cooking with my stepmother, teaching my little sister to draw, a sense of fulfillment filled me all the time.
This sentence is not parallel. your last part should say, teaching my little sister to draw. Gradually, a sense of fulfillment filled me all the time.
I woudld either start a new sentence, or make the subject *I*
it's I began to realize, not realized for the 3rd paragraph.
But i acutually this is very good, just a few minor grammar mistakes here and there.
Great job!
Thanks!!! very constructive advise.
I will make some progress and upload my new essay~
