Prompt: Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?
Word Limit: 500
Current Word Count: 435
Hello! This is my first draft essay. I would love to expand it from how I have it now- I think it sounds far too awkward. Any suggestions on how to tie everything together and make better transitions would be amazing! I'd love some advice on how to make it MUCH BETTER! Thank you!!!
The University of Michigan Health System has a secret. Up in the clouds on the 8th floor there's a place only children are privy to. An elevator ride lit with giddy anticipation always predates an initiation into the inner sanctum.
Skyscraper slides, towering monkeybars, and swings that could launch children into orbit follow. Massive curved slides I would gaze longingly at made my decision for me: I was going to work here someday
Just a few years later I was touring U of M. It was June and the campus was alive with green and only few hours away from home. The law library was like stepping into Hermione Granger's dream. Beautiful crisp silence, and the intoxicating smell of paper. I could almost see myself seated under one of gleaming gothic windows.
Stretching up on my tip toes I gazed at the gentle etchings on the library's tall gothic windows- every law school in the country during the 1930's our guide had said. My eyes caught and lit against famous schools I'd heard of- Chicago, Yale, and Princeton.
U of M felt unique, it was small when compared with other schools, but in a big city. It had a huge student population, but had specialized majors I could delve into to understand the bigger picture. It's a school that presents hundreds of opportunities for educational and personal growth through a higher breadth of topics than small liberal arts colleges could muster.
Their College of Literature, Science and the Arts had a History Department that would let me choose between a smorgasbord of different topics. And allow me to tailor my major around subjects I was interested, by basing my education around a theme, and enabling me to explore a time period.
That curriculum reminded me of my own History professor who taught by having us take a significant event, put in a historical context, then demonstrate our understanding. It was an invaluable learning experience that helped me gain greater confidence, and improve my public speaking abilities, along with a better timeline of European history. I can only imagine how my education would be affected if I were to base each of my four years at U of M using this model.
Looking back I can still remember that girl all those years ago who looked around the Michigan hospital playground who already knew what she wanted. The girl who jumped headlong into things without fear for the consequences, the girl who looked around and thought, "I want to work here."
The content is nice.
I love your imagery but I don't know what you're portraying to if it's your surrounding or the university of Michigan.
May you connect your thoughts. I am puzzled by your essay since you're jumping from buildings. decisions, tour and what not.
I have the same thoughts as Regina on this.
However, while we feel confused by the imagery of the hospital playground, the only saving grace is if the admissions officers know exactly what you are referring to. I only got it towards the end of your essay.
Overall, the content is sound.
Anyway, in my UMich essay I actually abbreviated the Uni as UMich instead of 'U of M'. Any thoughts on this? :)
