Academia De Pulilan is a school that will always have a place in my heart. I attended this school when I was in fifth grade. This is the school that helped me become an achiever. The schools in the Philippines is very different from the schools here in the United States. Students wore uniforms, we had a flag ceremony every day, and each grade level were divided into two different categories: Section A and Section B. The Section A students were the smart ones while the Section B students were the average ones. When I entered this school, I was placed in the Section B class. It was disappointing at first but then I realized that I have a lot of opportunities to excel in this class. Only a handful of people in my class cared about earning high grades. The lack of competition, gave me an advantage to work my way up. Before I entered this school, there was a boy in my class that was always the Top 1 which means he earned the highest grades every quarter in the Section B class, but then when I entered their class, I replaced his position. Every quarter, our homeroom teacher would write the names of the top 10 students in the board and I would always be the first one on the list. I was proud because I proved to myself that I am not just an average student. I became inspired to achieve more things so I started to get involved in my school's extracurricular activities. I joined a cooking contest with my friends, I recited a poem in front of a big crowd of people, I joined an essay contest for our school, and I became part of the Girl Scouts. At the end of the school year, we had a Recognition event. Usually, only the Section A students was invited to the event, so I was really glad when I was invited. I didn't know what kind of award I would receive since the faculty members kept it a surprise. I wasn't really expecting much, I knew that the students on the Section A class were really smart so it would be tough to beat them. I came to the awards ceremony with my grandparents because my parents were working abroad and they couldn't be there. I patiently waited for my name to be called. After several minutes of pure anticipation, my name was finally called. I was the recipient of the 2nd honorable mention award! I wasn't expecting to rank 2nd out of everyone in my grade, I realized that I beat some of the Section A students that ranked lower than me. After receiving that award, I felt the feeling that nothing is impossible, and that feeling stuck to me ever since then. My ambitious personality fueled my desire for greater things. Even though I only attended this school for a year, I'm happy to have accomplished many things. I learned to always hold my head up high and strive for the things that I want to achieve, because the rewards are evident when hard work is given.
It's really good except when you say "top 1" "rank 2nd" "10" you need to spell the numbers out (Top one, rank second, ten).
Also, you should not use contractions such as i'm, didn't, wasn't should be changed to i am, did not, and was not.
Nice topic. A few details:
Academia De Pulilan, the school I attended in fifth grade, will always have a place in my heart. I attended this school when I was in fifth grade. This is the school thatbecause it helped me become an achiever. The schools in the Philippines isare very different from the schools here in the United States.
and I agree with Kim, formal writing should not include those.
Overall i think your essay is really nice, there are really strong points like "My ambitious personality fueled my desire for greater things." and "I learned to always hold my head up high and strive for the things that I want to achieve, because the rewards are evident when hard work is given." Your experience in the Philippines is really unique and I couldn't agree with it more. Through the enumeration of your achievements, you were able to bring out your well-roundedness and I think that is what made your essay good.
I also agree with Kim, since this is formal writing, you should avoid using contractions
oh yeah
"each grade level werewas divided"
