supplemental short essays for yale
Hey guys, could you take a look at my Yale supplemental essays? I suppose they are not that good - do you have any advice in this case?
Students at Yale have plenty of time to explore their academic interests before committing to one or more major fields of study. Many students either modify their original academic direction or change their minds entirely. As of this moment, what academic areas seem to fit your interests or goals most comfortably? Please indicate up to three from the list provided.
Biology (Molecular, Cellular and Developmental) and Chemistry.
Why do these areas appeal to you? (100 words or fewer)
"See the beauty of the tiniest things", my grandma always said. There is probably no better definition for Chemistry and Biology than this phrase.
Think on the Milky Way, one galaxy among 200,000,000,000 others in the Universe. Among its more than 100,000,000,000 stars, there is a tiny one called "Sun". Orbiting it, there is a pale blue dot, just like any rocky planet of that system, but, if you look closely, you will find us. The beauty of Biology and Chemistry lays at understanding the intricated harmony of this diminutive spectacle we call "life".
What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? (125 words o fewer)
When I first heard Liszt's "Liebestraum no. 3", I had been drawn to that tempestuous story been told to me with such a powerful mute expression. This power of translating our feelings without words made me start playing the piano two years ago, despite already being old. What appeals to me the most at Yale is not having to give up on this new passion while majoring Biology and Chemistry and working to use apoptosis as a therapeutical treatment for maladies like cancer, merging, every day, Science - the language of the world - and Music - the language of the emotions.
[This ending is terrible]
What inspires you? (35 words or fewer)
What inspires me to learn every day is knowing that, in a universe of at least 13.8 billion light-years, with roughly two billions galaxies, we don't even know how exactly plants make photosynthesis.
Yale's residential colleges regularly host conversations with guests representing a wide range of experiences and accomplishments. What person, past or present, would you invite, and what would you ask?
I would ask Gauss: "Herr Gauss, since science intends to allow to understand the world, as our knowledge becomes progressively more specialized, how can we still make it accessible even for the lay people?"
You are teaching a Yale course. What is it called? (35 words or fewer)
Understanding the world: how science shaped History, Philosophy, Arts and Literature by changing how we see ourselves and our universe.
Most first-year Yale students live in suites of four to six people. What do you hope to add to your suitemates' experience? What do you hope they will add to yours? (35 words or fewer)
I will probably be the guy of the bad jokes, the coffee black as death and the Futhark runes, always there to back people up. In return, I wish my suitemates to reveal their passions and quirky side.
Thank you in advance!Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Arthur, let me use an outline form to respond to your statements. It will be easier for both of us to keep track of what you are presenting in the information part.
1. No changes.
2. Only the last sentence of this statement is applicable as a proper response to the question. Build on that as your topic sentence. The current version refers to your grandmother's insight, which is irrelevant since the keyword in the response is "YOU". Having the reviewer analyze the mysteries of the universe does not respond to the question either. Don't be poetic in your presentation. Just be direct to the point. The reviewer has other things to do aside from trying to figure out your complicated responses.
3. Your ending is terrible because you are again, trying to be flowery and imaginative in your response when all that is required is a direct statement. Stop trying to impress the reviewer with your deep intellect. A word limited statement is not the place for that. You did not give a clear response at all as to what attracts you to Yale. It should have something to do with the cutting edge education you will receive in your chosen major and the achievement of your academic goals in relation to your professional pursuits.
4. This is the sentence where you can present your deep intellectual discussion over 35 words. Your response is too simple in this case. Deepen it to show you have contemplated the relationship of your major with the world around you.
5. Give a simple introduction to Gauss and why your question would be important before launching into the question. Just in case a non-technical person, who has no idea who Gauss is, reads the response.
6. No changes
7. Your answer does not respond to the question. You are being asked about what sort of diversity you can offer your suitemates. What makes you different, and therefore more interesting to live with? What is it about your culture that would make the living arrangements a fun experience for everyone? How can you help them feel more at home and relaxed after classes?
