Hi everyone, I am from Thailand and, love English and excited to learn more about it, I am very new in here. I personally love learning especially English, I have been learning English since I was in Primary School, I felt like I was so good at English back then, and fell in love with it until now and forever, but currently I am studying abroad, in college, I feel like I am out of motivation because I see everyone has better English than me, my weakness is writing, I also trying to find the way out to improve my writhing becoming more advance over and over, I am still taking English course while studying my major, so here is my previous essay that I have written for the class and I have already passed up but I do not feel satisfied and really want feed back from everyone.
Topic : How I see myself in next 10-years
Most people tend to think about what their life will be like in next 10 years, how their houses will be like, what their jobs are, how would they live their lives with their families? Every generation of people has many different mindsets, kids always think about how would their future be like, the way kids think is not as complicated as adults or teenagers. This shows that every year, month, day or even a minute, people could change their mind from what they used to think to what they are thinking about.
Firstly, how I see myself in next 10 years? Well, I have set my goals for what I wanted to be in next 10 years. I have a lot of goals wishes and hopes. I would be 30-years-old in next 10 years and I would have graduated. If it possible, I would settle down my family. I would let them live wherever they wanted to live but our hearts would not be apart. I would have a house where we would gather as family.
Secondly, at 30 years of age, I will be able to make my own decision in my life, unlike these days. I would have get married to someone whom I feel deeply in love with, who has been there for getting through the hard times with me to the future, who would backpack and travel to everywhere that I have been dreaming about.
Next, we can not tell how our lives will be like in next days because the future is not exactly as what we plan to be. No matter what we have to experience life and the journey it takes to reach our goals. Remember that every journey that we have been through has taught us a lesson and we will learn from it to reach our goals.
Thank you so much and appreciated if you would commend or giving me an advice.
...kids always think about how
would their future would be like
could can change their mind
...what they used to think to what they are thinking about. suggest: from what they used to think when they were young.
Firstly, how do I see myself in the next 10 years?
I have a lot of goals wishes and hopes. suggest: I have a lot of wishes and dreams.
wouldwill be 30-years-old in next 10 years. (this sentence is not a hypothesis)
If it is possible...
I would let them live wherever they want
ed to live but our hearts would not be apart. (you can explain who are "them". Your future kids?)
Secondly, at 30 years of age, I will be able to make my own decision in my life, unlike these days. (uhh, reduce the number to 18, trust me)
I would have gotten married
who has been there for getting through the hard times with me... suggest: A person who always stands by me through difficult times
...who would backpack and travel with me to wherever ...
Next, we can not tell how our lives will be like in next days. suggest: None of us knows what lies in store for us tomorrow
No matter what,(use a comma here)
the journey it takes to reach our goals... suggest: the journey that will lead us to our goals
If this essay is for your classroom study, the content is ok. However, it you are applying for job or scholarship, you will seriously have to change the content. They want to see your long-term goal (specific achievement, career plan, ambition, etc) in the next 10 years. But we are not worry about them now, right? :)
Fitree, given the fact that English is not your mother tongue, this is a good essay, it has a creative content and it is conversational. Now, I'm not sure of this is for a formal writing or a journal for high school, reason I'm asking is because, formal writing may not appreciate such creativity but rather lean on the formality of the essay, meaning, it may need a direct and simple approach.
On the other hand, the creativity you showed on the essay is almost like you have a conversation with your readers and this is a very good practice when you are looking into mastering the art of writing or just be able to converse in English in a much higher level than the normal Thailanders.
It's alway's a good start to write and take that step to take your game, one step ahead. You are a student who wants to further your knowledge in English and more, I hope you continue doing that and inspire for greatness.
Fitree, I hope to read a revised and much polished essay and I hope my remarks helped.