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"seek knowledge even as far as China" Exchange Program; Personal statement


ahsan ali 2 / 6  
Dec 20, 2011   #1
Please submit a personal statement on separate sheets of paper attached to the application. The essay should be between 200-250 words and should provide a clear and detailed description of :

* your interests and personality
* your academic objectives
* your goals related to your field of study and personal development
* The reason why you wish them in USA and how it relates your interests and future objectives.

My personal statement,

"seek knowledge even as far as China", this words have inspired me since I was in secondary school. There are two things that interest me, education and different cultures. It has been my obsession to broaden my knowledge both in academic terms and life experiences.

I seek to graduate with academic honors and valuable experiences to facilate my further studies aboard; the reason for wanting to join this program. Through this program I hope to experience life and education in foreign country. Living and study in foreign country and culture while I am still an undergraduate student will be preparation valuable experience for my graduate studies. I seek to take undertake research in industrial processes, especially in bioprocess engineering. Pakistan is rich in natural resources but unfortunately our industries aren't fully devolpe. I believe foreign education will help further develop my abilities. I seek to learn about other cultures, comprehend their values and see how they think about people from foreign cultures.

I have worked hard to reach my goals, including learning English through personal efforts and the school. I've held part times jobs to fund my extracurricular activities, since my parents couldn't afford it. They've insured that I've the best possible education with our limited means. I want to pursue a bachelor degree chemical engineering program in the US, that allows me to follow courses as well as laboratory works and participate in research; parallel with my current academic pursuits. I'm interested in chemistry and its industrial application since I love the subject. I t also will be a foundation for my future plans to be a process engineer and start and education foundation to provide education for financially handicapped students.

Its about 290 words and I have to con size it in 250 words, how would I con size more ? please help and don't hesitate to point out the mistakes.

please comments.
cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 20, 2011   #2
You still need to say more about your interests and personality...because the college is very intent on knowing YOU as an original person :)

Pakistan is rich in natural resources but unfortunately our industries aren't fully devolpe. You should tie this in more with what it has to do with you...not a random free sentence /at least, it seems random if just stuck in like that

I think you should focus on one field of study...its a bit scattered: you say you like bioprocesses and then you like chemistry (you say these two in different paragraphs also...which makes it scattered as well)

**Just organize your thoughts in a more neat way..THe ideas are good I feel and they make it quite interesting, but ya...work on that organization :)

_________
Do you mind also reading over my essays? They are below, the "What Matters to You/Beauty" and "Intellectual: Internship" Thanks!!
Armaan M 2 / 16  
Dec 20, 2011   #3
i really liked your essay but i recommend touching up some of the grammar. For example "these words" not "this words". Also, I would try a colon like this "There are two things that interest me: education and different cultures".
OP ahsan ali 2 / 6  
Dec 21, 2011   #4
Dear sara T. kwan,
actually the thing is, I need to shorten my essay as per requirement i.e 250 words. If I say more about my interest, personality, organization and field of study so it will exceed the word limit. Can you please tell me how can I organize my thoughts more neatly ?

First I get over with this PS then I'll look to your essays too :)
Thank you so much for you comments,
** cheers ,
USMAN GUJJAR 2 / 33  
Dec 21, 2011   #5
dear Ahsan Ali i am applying for this programm.plz contact me on 03458775859
cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 22, 2011   #6
First of all, my name has an 'h' --> sarahhh

Just kidding :)) just pretending to be a jerk :\

Ok so:
The essay should be between 200-250 words and should provide a clearand detailed description of :
* your interests and personality
*your academic objectives
* your goals related to your field of study and personal development
* The reason why you wish them in USA and how it relates your interests and future objectives.
I could just say...if you wanted just go through this list in order and explain each...like bam, bam, bam, bam . Of course you can do it artfully as well, but it is also very very important to be Clear what your answer to each is, don't be scattered

Okay, on your own, Isuggest you do this:
See the colors I have colorcoded for each point? (and the last one is italicized) Well, you should go through your own essay, and color code every paragraph the belongs to each color. For example: everything that talks about your interests and personalities should be red...

Once you are done with that, make sure that there is a proper amt of each color (meaning you have answered all four parts in this essay)

Unorganized: If you have several colors mixed within onr paragraph, you'll know that your points are very scattered in different paragraphs...try to keep them together, unless for some reason you decide to mix it up a bit on purpose (but make sure it is still Clear)

Yup, that's all. God Bless ! Hope this helps :)
OP ahsan ali 2 / 6  
Dec 23, 2011   #7
sarah, Thank you so much ! I am sure this will help me ..
ty again !
cupnoodle123 15 / 52  
Dec 23, 2011   #8
no problem :D do well, read it aloud, that really helps :)


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