As an applicant who is seeking to major in classical voice and is from a privileged background, the most important reason I have for transferring to any institution of higher learning is to become solidly skilled in my future profession and be of benefit to society, besides gaining the means to make a partial income for myself.
Although my current community college, Foothill College, will allow me to get an Associates degree in music, I cannot place an emphasis in voice at my current school. Since I am eager to cultivate top skills as a vocalist I would like to transfer to a four-year school where I can polish my abilities through a well designed curriculum and most importantly, through private lessons for voice training under a skilled instructor. With deeper training, I hope to earn a Bachelors degree.
To build myself for my future career, I have selected institutions that I believe will help me fulfill my training and education for the skills I yearn to master. The music programs of both Notre Dame De Namur and Santa Clara University have a solid curriculum in their requirements for music theory, music history, keyboard proficiency, and applied performance. From one of those programs, I hope to gain the sort of skills that would help me better understand my repertoire as a vocalist and apply the understanding of the theory and historical contexts of music to enhance my vocal performance.
I have also noticed that both institutions offer performance opportunities for singers through choirs, solo recitals, and opera workshops or apprenticeship programs, and I would have enough opportunities to practice and apply the skills that I learn from all other academic courses into those courses for performance.
Also, both institutions have instructors who are either vocal pedagogues or are active and well respected in their professions as performers besides teaching, and I would like to be able to learn as much as I can from one of those artists.
I am confident that the vocal instruction given at both institutions will allow me to gain the kind of skills to serve in any environment. After I graduate, I would like to use my acquired skills to perform for charity, to volunteer, to teach, and to perform for local and international venues. I would be thankful to be accepted into either one of those programs in order that I become serviceable to the world around me while being able to do what brings me happiness.
Hi,
Thanks for the feedback. I am applying to both Santa Clara and Notre Dame De Namur. The Common Application website had it specified on the writing section that the Common App essay "should be the same for all colleges." I uploaded this essay for Santa Clara, and the same thing showed up on my writing section for Notre Dame. So my guess is that all institutions I apply to will be reading this same essay.
I'll see if I can make some changes in this essay.
Why did you choose to focus the first paragraph on the privileged background? Why not focus on sharing your inspiration with the reader? Decide what experience you want to give the reader, and revise the intro with that in mind.
I am confident that the vocal instruction given at both institutions will allow me to gain the kind of skills to serve in any environment.---This goes without saying. Don't include any statements of the obvious. Make every sentence purposeful.
This last sentence is really nice, but I'll cut one word from it:
I would be thankful to be accepted into either one of those programs in order that I become serviceable to the world around me while being able to do what brings me happiness.
