Seeking to major in Marketing - "Why CMU and the major?"

Prompt: Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

I remember driving in the car with my parents and my aunt a few years ago, as a little kid. That was when my aunt asked me, "Hey Rachit, what do you want to be when you grow up?" And I answered, "Masi (Hindi word for aunt), I want to be a shopkeeper!" Keeping in mind that I said this in India, a country full of petty shopkeepers and roadside vendors, my parents and my aunt burst out laughing. The little me was perplexed, and was left wondering why he was being laughed at. After all, he just wanted to be involved in the most laid-back business ever! However, when I look back at that moment now, I realize that there was always a big part of me that wanted to be a businessman. But living in a country where there is little scope of a great career in any other field except for medicine and engineering, I, for some time in my life, thought that I wanted to be an engineer. Little did I know that I had great opportunities awaiting me in the greatest capitalist nation and the strongest business power in the world. I moved to the United States in the summer of 2009 with my family at the age of fifteen, and this immigration completely changed the course of my life.

Seeking to major in Marketing, CMU's Tepper School of Business is a perfect fit for me because of Pittsburgh's corporate culture that accompanies Tepper's business programs. People often say, "What is in a name?" Well my answer to those people is, "Everything!" Now what could be a better example of it than CMU? Turn the 'U' of CMU sideways, and you get CMC - the name says it all. CMU is a city of its own - a city that intricately captures the essence, the liveliness, and the charming aura of the city of Pittsburgh, the city that is extremely heterogeneous in terms of its diversity. All of these factors merge together to make CMU a global network university, and also one of the most culturally diverse universities in the country. I believe that joining Tepper's elite group of students in the exclusive Marketing program, coupled with the best corporate environment of the city of Pittsburgh, would provide a stimulating environment in which I will thrive and graduate with great knowledge and experiences of the business world.

Looking at America's highly diverse population, and being from another country myself, I am greatly interested in Tepper School of Business' Marketing program as it would immensely assist me in understanding the corporate world through a global perspective. The thought of studying in the same city which is the home of business giants such as PNC Financial Services, U.S. Steel, H.J. Heinz Company, and PPG Industries inspires me to be a part of the great crowd of business professionals that make Pittsburgh. I am sure that my ambition to be an integral part of the city and be a part of a community of global leaders and thinkers would make way for great business opportunities in the future for me. The opportunities of studying abroad that The Tepper School of Business provides inspire me to work even harder towards becoming a part of the college. Also, to be a business student, it is extremely important to be "global minded", and there is no doubt in my mind that CMU could excellently condition me to think internationally.

I strive hard so that I can say that "My heart is in the work," which is why, as an extracurricular activity, I have a hobby to collect marketing materials. In today's age of recession, as the economy has crumbled, it has increasingly become hard for businesses to survive. In order to sustain their existence, they have been forced to resort to desperate measures to attract new customers. The ways in which the businesses market themselves and their products deeply intrigues me, which is why I collect marketing materials of all kinds in order to closely follow the strategies of various businesses. I believe that understanding the point of view and examining the thinking process of various companies would help me greatly as a business professional in the future, and therefore, prepare me to face any kind of challenges that might stand in my way.

Recently, upon reading a post entitled "College Essays" by the Assistant Director of Admission Jaycie Galbraith, I came across this statement: "don't be afraid to tell us about the research you've done, when you've visited campus...or just paraded around wearing a kilt!" Well, I have not walked around sporting a kilt yet, but I can't wait!

I remember driving in the car with my parents and my aunt a few years ago, as a little kid. That was when my aunt asked me, I think you should omit this part and just begin with the dialogue.

"Hey Rachit, what do you want to be when you grow up?" And I answered, "Masi (Hindi word for aunt), I want to be a shopkeeper!" Keeping in mind that I said this in India, a country full of petty shopkeepers and roadside vendors, my parents and my aunt burst out laughing. ------Look at all the parts I crossed out! You do not need to mention your aunt, and the Hindi word for aunt, etc. You need to focus on the main idea you are conveying.

I love this sentence:
The little me was perplexed and wondering why he was being laughed at. ---Notice the words I removed. I love to remove words from essays, because it often improves the essay. :-)

Here is another suggestion:
... I have a hobby: I collect marketing materials.

...across this statement: "Don't be afraid to ...---I capitalized the D.

This essay is awesome.

Great essay. I was going to return the favor and edit, but its already really great. A few suggestions would be:


to:When my family and I moved to the United States in the summer of 2009, life as I knew it completely changed.


b]to:[/b] What's a better example than CMU?


I really liked this part, it was innovative and cool:


Other than these, I love the essay, and I hope to see you at CMU, I'm gonna be an Engineering major but we could still be buddies :)