Question: How would attending the College Preparation Program help you meet your future academic goals?
Ever since I started learning math and science in grade school, I knew I had a loving skill for the subjects. I was fascinated by the fact that I could take a long problem of seemingly random numbers and symbols, and manipulate them to come down to a very simple figure. My father had always mentioned engineering as an option for my future career. Although, it wasn't until about two years ago when I really knew what I wanted to do with my interest. When things such as the BP oil spill occurred and birds in Arkansas fell from the sky for almost no reason at all, all I could think about was how to fix the problem. How can I make it better so our natural resources and wildlife will survive for centuries to come? It only took me a little while longer to determine that sustainability was what I wanted to achieve in my lifetime. I want to contribute in whatever way possible to save this planet, whether it's from air and water pollution, global warming, wildlife extinction, or waste of natural resources. And in order to be the best help I can be in this field, I am determined to get the best education. My goal is to go to a four-year university, earn an undergraduate degree in environmental engineering, and then work toward a Master's degree. However, to really achieve certainty in my choice, I want some experience before I dive in headfirst. I believe the College Preparation Program will help me complete my goal and give me that firsthand experience to strengthen my potential and application to universities; but most importantly, it will give me a glimpse into my future as an environmental engineer.
...Although, It wasn't until about two years ago when I really knew what I wanted to do with my interest, however ...
In this sentence: "When things such as the BP oil spill occurred and birds in Arkansas fell from the sky for almost no reason at all, all I could think about was how to fix the problem." Replace "things" with events. You might want to use a different second example, I'm not sure how birds falling from the sky have much to do with engineering. Also, it sounds somewhat immature.
"And in order to be the best help I can be in this field, I am determined to get the best education." You could rewrite the first part of this sentence, before the comma, to sound a little more inspiring, e.g. "In order to perform at the highest caliber in my field,..." or something like that.
Your a good writer, by the way. I found your ending sentences decisively point-on. Good luck with with the scholarship!
When things such as the BP oil spill occurred, and birds in Arkansas fell from the sky for almost no reason at all, all I could think about was how to fix the problem.
How can I make it better somore likely that our natural resources and wildlife will survive for centuries to come?
... whether it's from air and water pollution, global warming, wildlife extinction, or the waste of natural resources.
AndIn order to be the best help I can be in this field, I am determined to get the best education.
:)
Great, thank you guys. I hope this is better:
Ever since I started learning math and science in grade school, I knew I had a loving skill for the subjects. I was fascinated by the fact that I could take a long problem of seemingly random numbers and symbols, and manipulate them to come down to a very simple figure. My father had always mentioned engineering as an option for my future career. It wasn't until about two years ago when I really knew what I wanted to do with my interest, however. When events such as the BP oil spill occurred and toxic sludge flooded villages in Hungary, all I could think about was how to fix the problem. How can I make it more likely that our natural resources and wildlife will survive for centuries to come? It only took me a little while longer to determine that sustainability was what I wanted to achieve in my lifetime. I want to contribute in whatever way possible to save this planet, whether it's from air and water pollution, global warming, wildlife extinction, or the waste of natural resources. In order to perform at the highest caliber in my field, I am determined to get the best education. My goal is to go to a four-year university, earn an undergraduate degree in environmental engineering, and then work toward a Master's degree. However, to really achieve certainty in my choice, I want some experience before I dive in headfirst. I believe the College Preparation Program will help me complete my goal and give me that firsthand experience to strengthen my potential and application to universities; but most importantly, it will give me a glimpse into my future as an environmental engineer.
