Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


"Self-Discovery; the bucolic town of Jijiga"-Essay Prompt


Sidrak 1 / -  
Jan 21, 2011   #1
Self- Discovery
September 14, 2009 was the date when I truly discovered myself. My family and I went to the bucolic town of Jijiga. We were staying at my grandmother's house, a tiny house that was situated on a surprisingly large area. The grasses so green, the sky so blue and the house so pristine I could not help but be reminded of Eden. My grandmother then 75 amazed me with the precision and joy with which she went about her daily chores. One bright sunny day I went into the house to find my grandma swiping with the agility of a 20 year old. As I looked at her I realized how fulfilled she felt with her life, how happy she was. I could not help but envy her for she had found herself, for only then can one truly be happy. Suddenly looking up she asked if I was not going to offer to help, whereby I hurriedly brought a broom and started cleaning.

It was noon when I finished helping my grandma with the chores. Exhausted, I lay on the meadow with my back against this tree my grandma claim is as old as her. It was when I was appreciating this old tree that I truly discovered myself. I was a tree.

Looking down I saw a mesh of roots. Though united these roots were also singular, each following different routes but still within the mesh. It was like the roots were the physical extension of my character. Even though I like to be part of a bigger family, a bigger club, I always like to assert my individuality. I will like to be part of the society that reforms Ethiopia, my country, but will also want to play my role singularly. The reason singularity is so important to me is because I am opposed to conformity. True as part of a society we should all try to fit in, but for me this thinking usually connotes negatively for it limits the potential of individuals. How would the world be today had Martin L. King chose to conform to the society present during that time. Though I believe that I should fit into a mesh, I strongly adhere to following my own path within that mesh.

The roots are the organs of the tree that provide it with nutrients, substances needed by the tree to prepare its food. The roots use any opportunity provided to absorb the nutrients and water from the soil, always on the lookout for the good stuff and never hesitating to go for it. Yet another peculiar behavior that is also part of my personality. I strongly believe in using every opportunity that I encounter. I think that people are wrong for passing of an opportunity for fear of trying. It is for this reason that I am applying to Colgate University, a school I have seen many of my friends shun for fear of being rejected. And if accepted I am certain that I will not stick just to my Computer Science course, neither would have a root to a single nutrient, but make use of every opportunity hoping it would be a widow into success.

A tree absorbs carbon dioxide from the air and gives off oxygen. Plants never stop doing that, even though the amount of carbon dioxide in the air is increasing threateningly. As I was thus reminiscing some of my biology classes, I understood that this process depicted something deeper for me. The oxygen represents good, the carbon dioxide bad. Even though the bad stuff, carbon dioxide, in the air is increasing the tree undauntedly continues to purge and replace it with oxygen. I believe there is too much evil in this world, too much hate, but is this reason to stop fighting for good. Is this reason to lose hope? No! I believe that we should fight to prune the world of the evil; it is when we lose hope and accept that the world is evil that the demonic parallel seen on movies really comes to life. I do not believe that the evil in our world is because bad people are doing bad things but rather because good people are not doing enough good. Same thing is true with plants, though global warming, polar ice melting...the evils are contributed by the emission of excess carbon dioxide it is the decreased number of trees that resulted magnified such harm, the decreased number of people willing to do good. It is with this conviction that I always try to help others, to touch them in a beautiful way, and to put a smile on their faces.

When a tree is cut down it is not completely removed from the earth, not completely forgotten by all. The reason for such an occurrence is that even though the tree dies when it is chopped off the lower most part of the tree, the bottom stem and roots, remain intact. These parts, rather, serve as shelter and food source for squirrels and micro organisms like bacteria. This is similar to the course I hope my life would take. I do not just wish to make an appearance in life but make my presence felt. After I die I wish to be remembered for the remarkable things I did in life, I do not wish for my name to be buried with me. Just like the undying stem and roots I wish to do great things in life that will never die. And just like the tree continued to help the squirrels and bacteria after it was dead, I wish that the things I do in life will help others for generations to come.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Jan 22, 2011   #2
Anania.... this is not a good essay. It is creativity gone totally wrong. This essay speaks about your grandmother... the tree but there is no Anania in this. Frankly, the concept of you being linked to the the tree is well, i'll say useless because this is an admission essay and you should not forget that you are in competition with others.

FIRST PARA AND SECOND PARA: Not a word about you.

THIRD:

assert my individuality

Really? Are you sure you want to say that to admission committee....

I strongly adhere to following my own path within that mesh.

You come across as a stubborn character FROM YOUR WRITING. Understand, that I don't know you and I can form a sketch of your character from this essay only...get it! Your writing portrays you....

FOURTH---

I believe there is too much evil in this world, too much hate, but is this reason to stop fighting for good. Is this reason to lose hope? No! I believe that we should fight to prune the world of the evil; it is when we lose hope and accept that the world is evil that the demonic parallel seen on movies really comes to life.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF WRITING ALL THIS?????? This tells me nothing about expect of the fact that you are thinking that admission committee wants to hear how pious I am...please do not think want they want to hear.... they want to see well rounded characters... people with a little good humor, hard work, mature to know why they are taking whatever major, a little goofy....they don't want people who put labels as GOOD BAD... there is 99.9% grey in life....

a school I have seen many of my friends shun for fear of being rejected.

The college does not want a pat on the back from you....
my friends .... if fear of rejection is so much then they can never move forward in life. Continuous failures makes success faster...
See, I wanted to be harsh as possible to make you realize the possibility of someone like me can sit in the admission committee. I have just got in at University of Colorado boulder and been through the process of admission and essay...ITS TOUGH!!! Read a lot of essays and get an idea of styles of writing....

Post up a new draft and we can work on that as soon as possible.... :)
Hoping this helps....
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jan 27, 2011   #3
It is creativity gone totally wrong.

Whoa, that is harsh, ha ha. I will read the essay and decide if I agree.

I'll add some commas:
My grandmother, then 75, amazed me with the precision and joy with which she went about her daily chores.

I love the first paragraph, and it is cool that the paragraph ends with some ACTION (sweeping.)

Though I believe that I should fit into a mesh, I strongly adhere to following my own path within that mesh. ---excellent, this essay has a lot of wisdom.

I think you have a great writing style and a great way of thinking. You maintained a great theme throughout the essay, and you have a poetic way of writing. If you can give more details about your short term goals, it will be even better. The criticism from donrocks is important, because it shows how people MAY react to the essay, but overall I think this is a very valuable essay.

Frankly, the concept of you being linked to the the tree is well, i'll say useless because this is an admission essay and you should not forget that you are in competition with others.
FIRST PARA AND SECOND PARA: Not a word about you.

Every word is about YOU. This essay follows that writing rule, "show, don't tell."
I think if anyone reading this thread has the opportunity, they should read what Anthony Demello writes about a tree in his book called The Way to Love.

So... do not disregard that criticism, but rest assured that thoughtful readers will appreciate the wisdom in this essay, as I know Donrocks does even if he does not admit it ;-)


Home / Undergraduate / "Self-Discovery; the bucolic town of Jijiga"-Essay Prompt
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳