'self motivated entrepreneur' - what makes Rochester the best fit for you

Hi below is my University of Rochester admission essay question and answer and i would appreciate if someone can look it over for me.
Thanks

The instruction
In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.
What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

My essay

I believe that university of Rochester is the best fit for me because of my own personality as a self motivated entrepreneur. I have read and studied many subjects on my own as an autodidact. These subjects range from business to personal development and Finance. I learned through information on the university's website and also from my friend Beth Kane, a University of Rochester graduate that Rochester has a good research oriented and an open curriculum policy. I then concluded that the university is the best place for me to learn and expand my knowledge of subjects that already ignite my curiosity; instead of just sticking to some other university's "custom-made one size fits all" curriculum.

I think you should rewrite your first sentence. It's too cliché, and the hook is not there. As long as a university has a decent business program, it's a good fit for "a self motivated entrepreneur", right?

you need to add a comma after a University of Rochester.

HI dinhhoang0802
how would u want me to change the first sentence. would u mind being more specific? how would u rewrite it if u were in my shoes?

thanks