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"self-motivated nature" - Meaningful Event Essay UF


onex 1 / -  
Sep 12, 2010   #1
I would appreciate any help on this, this is my first draft so please be brutal! Thanks! :)

Essay Topic: In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.

Education was never much of a dinner table conversation in my household. My parents assumed I would graduate high school and attend a nearby college - which was already more than either of them have accomplished. My older brother lacked ambition and persuaded me into thinking living at home and going to just 'any' college was more than enough. When I started high school I was never taught to be the perfect model student, nor was I taught to be involved within the community. During my sophomore year, I met friends who were actively involved in academics and school organizations, who made me re-evaluate my priorities. They exposed me to academic competition - I realized that these were the people I would be up against when it was time to get a job. I had always been interested in medicine, and once I had researched what credentials were needed to become a physician, I knew I needed to step up my game if I wanted to be successful. I did not want to be 22 and still be living at home like my brother. I decided to talk to my parents, hoping to expose them to my new goals - they told me if I went off, they would not assist me in paying for college and that it was my own decision if I wanted to leave. My determination and self-motivation allowed me to pursue my newfound goals and prove my parents wrong.

Starting my junior year, I set out to excel in my academics. I took Advanced Placement and Dual Enrollment courses, and also joined clubs and played sports that I had a passion for such as swimming and running. I joined my school's award-winning newspaper and eventually became Managing Editor, and also took part in Quill & Scroll Honor Society where I became President. However, just joining clubs and organizations was not fulfilling enough. I wanted to leave a legacy in my school, something I could pass on to the class after me. Now, during my senior year, I have taken the initiative to start a 'journalism day', where we invite middle school students and teach them various different aspects of journalism.

From apathy to proactivity, it is now where I stop and think how much I have changed in two years. My self-motivation and positive attitude allowed me to accomplish milestones I thought I would never reach. This specific quality about myself will greatly influence and better the University of Florida campus; I would hope to leave a long-lasting footprint in UF history. My self-motivated nature will not only inspire my peers to do the same, but will elicit another successful graduate from the University of Florida.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 14, 2010   #2
was already more than either of them have accomplished.

I'm sure they have accomplished more important things than college!

When I started high school I was never taught to be the perfect model student, nor was I taught ---maybe you really were raised by slackers, but this all sounds like you are blaming your own shortcomings on your parents. It is better to take responsibility.

22 and still be living at home like my brother. --- you seem so judgmental! This is not the right approach. You have to give an intellectual discussion of an academic or professional aspiration... something important to you. Whatever you want to do in the world has to start with a degree, so talk about this program as a stepping stone on your path.

The years flash by. You are getting ready to do your career now, so what is it going to be? Whatever that is all about... choose an event from your past that demonstrates or represents this ambition you have, and it is that ambition that provides the energy you can contribute at this school.

Your contribution depends on a particular intellectual interest, so write about an event related to your biggest academic or career interest.
:-)


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