What do you guys think of this essay? Can someone proof read it for me please? Its a topic of my choice, but i was trying to elaborate on a essay that inspired me. Is it too highfalutin?
On Self-Reliance
I have read many great works of literature as a part of my high school education. These literary masterpieces each had distinct motifs, allusions, and themes meant to plant an idea (forgive the "Inception" allusion) into the reader's mind. These literary works inspired generations of authors; yet they failed to inspire me. These great literary works were meant to educate through the combination of plot and characters; however, I found them to be nothing more than light reading meant to be consumed with ice cream on a hot summer day. They were walls that separated me from ennui---nothing more, nothing less. No matter how hard I tried, I found it hard to truly appreciate the themes that the authors crafted and embedded into their works. They were entertaining, but not inspirational---except for one; it is none other than "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
The first time that I read "Self-Reliance" was in AP Language and Composition class. As I received the essay, it felt different from the others that I have read. Then I understood why; the title contained neither possible plot nor confusing metaphors, but simply practicality that I valued. This came as a great surprise to me as high school English readings are hardly practical. I was thrilled, to say the least, about the change. I dove into the essay. What began as an assignment turned into an epiphany. The essay made me realize that I was my own slave; self-doubt was the chain, and conformity the shackle that bonded me to the rock of malaise.
As I hark back to the first day of high school, I remember the joy of becoming more mature, and the excitement of being amongst nearly one thousand of my peers. The school stretched on endlessly and my passion for learning ran hot like a flame. I expressed ideas that my peers did not understand, and asked questions they did not think of. My comments were drowned out by the awkward silence and the stifled murmur that followed, and my passion dissipated along with comments. Soon enough, I became a blur amongst the thousand other blurs. I remained in this pitiful condition until I read "Self-Reliance." Within each paragraph conceal the panacea to my ailment. The problem lies not in my environment, but within me. I was so fearful of being wrong that I lost the spirit to even engage in intellectual discussions. The essay, with its sincere words and relatable examples, shattered the adamant chains that bounded me for two years, and gave me the rejuvenating rain of encouraging words. More importantly, it helped me recover the passions that I previously lost.
It is the essay that gave the courage to forsake the safe feeling of conformity; it is the essay that allowed me to embrace the unknown. It made me realize that with every failure, there comes an opportunity to achieve something grater. Since Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson is the author of the essay, I own my transformation to him. It is true that my academic records may not be as stunning as other applicants, my extracurricular activities less impressive. However, the experience that I have gained through my journey of self-rediscovery is truly my greatest asset unique to no one else. As I wake up every morning and read the words "Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string" that rest next to my alarm clock, I am warranted that I truly have nothing to fear except fear itself.
Is this really interesting enough to be the first sentence of the essay? I have read many great works of literature as a part of my high school education. I think this sentence is a waste of words. It could be anything it wants to be! :-)
These I have read literary masterpieces each had with distinct motifs, allusions, and themes meant to plant an ideas (forgive the "Inception" allusion) into the reader's our minds.
I expressed ideas that my peers did not understand, and asked questions they did not think of. Unfortunately, it's not possible to express this without sounding pompous.
It's definitely a bad idea to end with that cliche... and I think that cliche at the end is a quote from a president, which makes it a completely different subject. So, it is disjointed, because that quote expresses an insight totally different from the insight central to emerson's essay.
Wicked Important Idea
Google this: emerson self-reliance analysis
You will find examples of essays that really analyze the meaning, the main idea of his essay. That is what you should do. You did not really tell us anything about the thesis of his essay.
Keep digging! :-)
