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"to be a Seminole" - FSU ESSAY


woah_amie 2 / 8  
Sep 17, 2009   #1
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

Og Mandino once quoted that "Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough." Throughout high school, many of us try to discover ones true self. Though many of us have failed, strength and perseverance, has molded me into the person I am now. "Vires" defines my academic achievements and my personal life. Through my years of high school, I excelled in vigorous courses to strengthen my intellectuality. I have been faced with many academic obstacles, but I kept pushing myself to succeed. I have come to realize, that eventhough school holds many challanges; using optimism, courage, and persistence, I can overcome the difficulties school has to offer.

During my academic years, I have encountered personal hardships. My grandfather died during the end of my junior and that impacted me emotionally. I was very close to my grandfather, and his death affected my grades. Although my grades had slipped, I remembered something that he would always tell me; " nunca renunciar a lo que haces, siempre mira hacia delante, incluso si los tiempos son difĂ­ciles," which means to never give up on what you do, and always look forward even if times are hard. His words always run through my mind whenever I feel like giving up. I encountered another personal hardship when my father lost his job after thirteen years with the same company last year. He assured me that everything would be okay, and that our family would would get out of this. "Vires" is something that signifies these struggles that have arised. I have the strength to move forward in everything that comes my way.

The first time I realized that FSU was the perfect college for me was when I first visited the campus. The large population, breathtaking campus, and outstanding amount of opportunities available at FSU made my visit worthwhile. As a future Seminole, I believe that I can make a great addition to the student body. I know that by attending FSU, my cultural knowledge will expand and my social and communicational experiences will broaden. To be perfect is to be a Seminole.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #2
That is the lame quality of feedback you have given others.
Judging from your response, you are shocked at how fruitless that type of feedback is. I am not surprised.
If you give lame feedback to others, do you honestly believe you deserve detailed feedback from anyone on this site?
OP woah_amie 2 / 8  
Sep 17, 2009   #3
Liebe

What exactly is this supposed to mean? I have given my opinion.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #4
So are you comfortable with vague, one lined feedback?
Tell me if you are actually. That would make things a lot easier.
OP woah_amie 2 / 8  
Sep 17, 2009   #5
I don't appreciate how you're talking to me. This site is for help, not negative criticism about how I help other people...
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #6
I don't appreciate how you're talking to me. T

^loooool. Probably just as much as I do not appreciate your attitude towards people and helping them on this site.

This site is for help, not negative criticism about how I help other people...

^If you acknowledge that, then why do you seem to have such a problem with helping others?
It is only fair that you receive as much help as you give other people, is it not?
OP woah_amie 2 / 8  
Sep 17, 2009   #7
I don't have any problem helping anyone. I don't see why you are attacking ME while, I'm sure, there are many people are doing the same; even thought I don't believe I have done anything. I signed up for this site so people can HELP me, not tell me how to help other people. I understand that I must help people, but there is no need to attack me for this.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #8
Do not flatter yourself. I am not attacking you. I am not a Moderator, but I still point out to posters that poor quality feedback is undeserving of detailed feedback.

I never said you have a problem with helping. I do however, still believe, that you are not helping anyone.

I'm sure, there are many people are doing the same

^You are not certain however. Therefore,that is an assumption. Trust me dear, you are not the first. I have told people off for giving poor quality feedback.

I signed up for this site so people can HELP me, not tell me how to help other people. I understand that I must help people, but there is no need to attack me for this.

^Look, other people can help you as much as they want. What I am saying, is that I, and to some extent Llamapoop (judging from his post), do not offer great detailed feedback to those who do not deserve it. To deserve detailed feedback, you need to earn it. To earn it, just give detailed feedback to others?

I do not see what is so hard to understand about this? Just do it, and other people, including myself, will reciprocate in giving you helpful feedback lol.

I am not attacking you. It is surprising at how you even inferred that, but that is a different story.
People sign up on this site to help others and receive help. Doing so, tends to help posters on this site because they learn from themselves and from others.
OP woah_amie 2 / 8  
Sep 17, 2009   #9
Okay. Let me help some people then.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #10
:)

kk, sounds good :D
Remember, always give people the level of feedback you yourself would like to receive :)
EF_Team [Moderator] 41 / 222 15  
Sep 17, 2009   #13
"What you give is what you get" :
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Sep 17, 2009   #14
In your second paragraph, you have a couple of interesting examples that you mention in passing. Perhaps you could pick one and rewrite the essay to focus solely on that. This would give you a more narrative, hence more interesting, essay.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Sep 17, 2009   #15
K, I don't know what that was all about, so let's move on, woah amie.

The first paragraph should be re-written, in my opinion. I believe paragraphs should flow with a thesis, body, and conclusion similar to an essay. I really liked your start, i just think you should consider swapping the sentences around a bit.

Consider your main point, "Vires defines my academic achievements and my personal life." This is your thesis statement; your ending sentence (and excellent paragraph tie-in) is, "I have been faced with many academic obstacles, but I kept pushing myself to succeed. The rest is the body. See?

Now...
First of all, did Og Medino say what you quoted, or was he quoting someone else? If, as you phrased it, "he quoted...", then you are using a secondary source (much frowned upon in academic writing - kinda like he said she said...). Next, I'm not feeling the word "intellectuality," it is cumbersome. Another thing that jumps out is in the third sentence when you start talking about us and finish talking about you, "Though many of us have failed, strength and perseverance[s], has molded me into the person I am now.

I hope this little bit helps! I only have time right now to advise on the first paragraph before wrecking an essay of my own, ha ha! You really need another eyeball on this essay, though, before turning it in; how long do you have? I can help later, but I have some homework I have to work on myself.

Cielos Azuls, woah amie, and good luck! Jeannie


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