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Sentence structure help, Does this puncuation make sense/flow? -BU COMMON APP


collegehelp 2 / 11  
Jan 4, 2010   #1
Drawing, something I have been doing since before I can even remember. I recall drawing sprawling battles between
fictional nations across the confined margins of my seventh grade math homework to overdoing sketches of plant cells on my
tenth grade bio-labs. Throughout my years at school I often found myself sitting in class doodling all over my notebook and in between my class notes.

i can't seem to get this right

Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #2
Drawing, something I have been doing since before I can even remember.

^You can either remove this, or try and come up with a more engaging sentence. The grammatical error proceeding the first word, followed by the cliched expression, should realistically fail to do you any favors.

Keep thinking. Keep trying. And produce.
Writer's block is unfortunate at times, however it is just a challenge, like all others, that just needs to be overcome
OP collegehelp 2 / 11  
Jan 4, 2010   #3
I think I got it. How is this

I have been drawing since before I can even remember. Throughout my years at school I have often found myself sitting in class doodling all over my notebook and in between my class notes. I have drawn everything; from sprawling battles between

fictional nations, across the confined margins of my seventh grade math homework, to overdone sketches of plant cells on my
tenth grade bio-labs.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #4
I can even remember

^its a bit cliched and lame. When could you start remembering? Do you even remember that? i understand that you are trying to suggest that you have been drawing for quite some time now, however doing so through the use of a hyperbolic platitude is boring, which would be a shame since i think that the four proceeding lines are quite interestingly written.
OP collegehelp 2 / 11  
Jan 4, 2010   #5
I agree but I can not seem to dig up anything else? Recall is almost just as lame...UHGGG!

hmmm let me post some quickies some might also be cliche.

Drawing has been something that has always peaked my interest and seems as natural as every breath I take (ok really corny but I don't know)

To Imagine a period in my life when I was not interested in drawing would be frivolous (or futile?) Throughout my years at school I have often found myself sitting in class doodling all over my notebook and in between my class notes )this being the sentence coming directly after)
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Jan 4, 2010   #6
How about something, short, simple and direct. i think those three when added up can make an interesting start to an essay.
So how about just:

'i have always loved drawing.'

if you dont like that, then how about something to that effect? Something short, that captures your reader's interest, and then allows your reader to read on?

Good luck. im off to bed.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 14, 2010   #7
Great advice here. Sometimes the solution is simple:
I have been drawing since before I can even remember . Throughout my years at school I have often found myself sitting in class doodling all over my notebook and in between my class notes. I have drawn everything; from sprawling battles between...

Even though you leave out that first sentence, the effect this has on the reader is powerful, because the reader silently comes to the conclusion, "This person has been drawing since before s/he can even remember.." and that makes it a powerful experience. When you leave words out and the reader figures the meaning out on her own, the writing is creating a powerful experience.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / Sentence structure help, Does this puncuation make sense/flow? -BU COMMON APP