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'serve on the FUHSD school board' - Common App: Extracurricular - too boring?

InfinityQ 3 / 9  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
Everyone else's I see seem to be pretty poetic in the sense of pretty language and descriptive writing... but mine is just straightforward. Is that bad?

Here it is.

Currently as a senior, I serve on the FUHSD school board as the sole representative of over 10,000 students. I take special pride in this because I am the first in 18 years to hold this position as a Homestead high student.

For my duties, I attend board meetings twice a month where I sit with the panel of trustees and the superintendent. At the meetings, I have voting power and am fortunate enough to oversee matters such as a $200 million bond budget. This year, I enjoy taking part in the longstanding decisions of construction projects, knowing that my voice will affect the future generations of students. The rest of my work involves meeting with the intra-district council and attending district events, the most memorable of which was the opening of our school's new stadium. There, the trustees introduced me and I gave a speech, also dressed in the band uniform as a drum major.

Feedback greatly appreciated,
oliviab 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
I don't think it's bad to be straightforward, but it would be interesting to talk a little bit more about why this is meaningful to you.
ehrohrer 1 / 3  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
Your essay answers the prompt, but is rather bland because you are not reflective. Maybe talk about why you wanted this position. It seem's like this position is a big honor, but what does it mean to you. Like you said, you represent over 10,000 students, how do you handle having this responsibility?
OP InfinityQ 3 / 9  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
Thanks guys!

I'll definitely be reworking this into a more "me" essay!

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