This is an application essay for Virginia Tech. The prompt is "How is service to others important in your life." I just need help reviewing and polishing my essay before I turn it in.
When I first joined 4H at the age of nine, I thought it was just a summer camp, nothing more. After years of attending 4H camp, I realized that it was much more. The first opportunity I had, I joined my local 4H club and began going to monthly meetings. The 4H club introduced me to many new opportunities- the most important being community service.
Volunteering with 4H opened me opened me up to many possibilities, and soon I began to join other community service clubs. For the past year, I have been actively involved in Key club and National Honor Society, along with 4H club. All three of these clubs have influenced my life in various ways. With these clubs I have participated in Angel Tree, tutoring, the annual Share the Fun contest, Relay for Life, and serving at my local Rescue Mission. Volunteering with these clubs has made me realize just how much I love helping others and how important community service is in my life.
In all, service to others has changed my life for the better, making me a better person. It is an important aspect of my life that I will continue with forever.
Volunteering with 4H opened me opened me up to many possibilities. .
Courtney, the essay prompt is not simply asking you rattle off a list of the clubs that you have joined with have a connection with community service. It is asking you to reflect upon the importance of community service or helping others in your life. I did not really get a sense of that in your essay. Rather, what I gathered was that you liked to join clubs, nothing more. Merely saying that "Volunteering with these clubs has made me realize just how much I love helping others and how important community service is in my life. " does not really explain to me how or why you believe that service to others is important in your life.
I think that what you have to do is represent the clubs you have joined and the kind of community service that you perform as part of your membership. Don't just summarize the group names and say you learned about community service and its importance from them. Give the reviewer an idea about how that happened. What were the community service moments that stand out for you with each club? Why did it stand out? How did that create a perception of community service within you? That will give the reviewer a clear idea as to how you have come to believe that community service or service to others is an important part of your life.
When you talk about the importance of service to others, explain how you have changed because of that experience as well. Always remember that these prompts work best if you allow it to reflect a sense of maturity within you that could only come from having these sorts of experiences in your life. That is how the essay becomes a useful part of your application documents.
- The 4H club introduced me to manya lot of new opportunities-, the most important being community service.
- Volunteering withAs a volunteer, 4H opened
- me opened me up to many possibilities, and
- With these clubs I have participated in Angel Tree,
- Volunteering withRendering my service with these
- InOver all, service
- life that I will continue with foreverfor as long as I can ( using the word "forever" is just pushing it too hard, use a more sensible word ) .
Courtney, this are my thoughts on your essay, I hope it helps! Remember, community service is not only on papers they should be done from the heart and with all your genuine effort to help others and for the greater welfare of the society. You are young and full of energy and a good use of time will not only give you satisfaction but will create a network of could be lifelong relationships.
