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Sessions with my Arab friends - Stanford roommate essay


kh28698 2 / 4  
Dec 31, 2013   #1
I wrote this, but I'm not completely liking it. Suggestions for improvement would be appreciated!
Dear future roommate,
In order to prepare you for our journey, I would like to describe my oddities, which you will witness on a daily basis.
I can never wake up in the morning unless the alarm is at its loudest setting and playing my favorite song. My brain somehow shuts out every other noise. During finals week, you will see me randomly break out into intense dance moves. Don't get freaked out- it's just my way of coping with stress.

Because I grew up in another culture with many international friends you will find that my actions and words reflect my eclectic and jumbled identity. I'll be immersed in a Korean soap opera one day and ditch it for an American reality TV show the next.

If I invade your personal space, please tell me. My countless snuggle sessions with my Arab friends have often made me forget the concept of a "personal bubble." Also, I get my special Moroccan intonation from my friends as well. When I'm hyper or engrossed in a heated debate, my voice pitch will abruptly rise at the end of each phrase I say.

Please don't be alarmed. I'm not weird, just different, which means you don't have to worry about being yourself with me. I have enjoyed meeting people from so many different places, and I can't wait to meet more of them at Stanford. Whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you too!

Here's to the great memories we'll share together,
Hannah
cocamb 4 / 15 1  
Dec 31, 2013   #2
I like your response because it really conveys your character! The only thing
I would think about changing is the intro, it's not too captivating and it comes
off as you introducing a list, "I would like to describe my oddities" maybe find
a different way to introduce it that has more of an impact on the reader. Also,
your inclusion of different ethnic friends comes off a little too forced, if theres
anyway you can re-word them so that you don't sound like you're trying to talk
about every ethnic group then your response would truly be perfect!
Really great job and Good Luck to you :)
Also, if you could check out my essays that would be AMAZING thank you!!
boston1002 2 / 19 3  
Dec 31, 2013   #3
This sounds really self-centered.. Sorry my interpretation is probably different then you expect it to be.
Kristoria 3 / 51 1  
Jan 1, 2014   #4
I liked this essay. Probably had something to do with the fact that you knowing a variety of people reminded me of my own essay. Never really saw the self-centered thing come up as I read it so for me it was good.
OP kh28698 2 / 4  
Jan 1, 2014   #5
Alright! Thanks for all of the comments.
fiftyskye 4 / 14  
Jan 1, 2014   #6
I also liked your approach. I wish mine was good as yours, but I already sent it.

Good luck :)


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