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"I set up a Chinese club for American students" - Diversity

JennyHe 1 / 1  
Jan 6, 2011   #1
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.This is the topic. And here is my essay. Can anyone please read and tell me how you think about it? Thanks a lot!

"1 LKKL N65°o'57, 16" E25°39'41,01", Suomi, Finland."A flock of reindeer running on the boundless land covered with dazzling snow. High in the pure blue sky-the magnificent aurora borealis. This is a postcard I received this afternoon from Lapland - where Heidi lives.

The beautiful card brought my thoughts back to four years ago when I met Heidi at a summer school in Oxford, UK. Like the friends I made before at schools in New Zealand, France and Korea, my new friends at Oxford bombarded me with the same old questions such as "Can you show us Kung Fu?" or "Don't you write with brushes?" After explaining to another group of students that modern Chinese people no longer practice such cultural heritage, I started to think about how I could give my friends a taste of the authentic Chinese culture.

As I began my mission as a Chinese ambassador, I needed teammates. Heidi was my first recruit. I had already discovered that she had a beautiful voice when she hummed Finnish folk songs. Then through my observation in class, I found out that Maxwell from Italy played the violin and Marie from Germany played the piano. Since I had played the cello for five years, the idea of forming an orchestra to play traditional Chinese music came to me like a light-bulb over my head: I could ask the teacher to let us perform for the school's closing ceremony!

Maxwell and Marie excitedly agreed with my proposal and committed two hours to practice every day. I downloaded the music scores and lyrics of two famous songs "Jasmine Flower" and "A Memorable Evening" from the Internet and spent an extra hour with Heidi every day teaching her pronunciation. A few days later, Sondos and Kevin, both from Ghana, heard about our orchestra and wanted to join. Unfortunately, neither of them played an instrument. I contemplated and told them that they could perform duo harmonicas for the opening of each song. Harmonicas are easy to learn in a short period of time, yet sound beautiful. The boys loved the idea and ran to a local music shop immediately. At the ceremony, Heidi, in my Mandarin dress, threw out red-ribbon Chinese knots towards the audience during her second song," A Memorable Evening." (It was truly a memorable evening for all of us.) The students erupted into a frenzied cheer and the crowd went on clapping for a good three minutes. When my team invited me to the front of the stage, my heart pounded furiously. I could not be more proud of my Chinese heritage. All the sleepless nights due to the endless planning, practice and worry all seemed worth the effort!

This success made me realize how I appreciated my own diversity and motivated my passion for being a bridge to promote understanding and facilitate communication between my culture and that of others. Although I mastered none of the Chinese traditional arts, I could still be a Chinese ambassador with my creativity, hardworking attitude and open heart. As soon as I started my high school education in Norfolk, Virginia, in 2007, I set up a Chinese club to provide local American students with a deeper understanding of this mysterious eastern country. In addition to occasional cultural performances and food festivals, I organized weekly meetings to compare Chinese and American viewpoints through debates. Traveling and studying in eleven different countries in my short seventeen years of life and adapting to western cultures have helped me on many occasions to avoid offending others in heated discussions. These lessons have given me the confidence and desire to showcase the richness and beauty of my Chinese heritage.

As I opened my treasure box to put this postcard with many others from all over the world, I turned it over and smiled at Heidi's note to me. "I will never forget you, my Chinese girl. I have faith in you that life will never let you down because of your sweetness, leadership, uniqueness, intelligence and passion of life."

Thanks Heidi, I am endeavoring to make your wishes for me come true.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Jan 11, 2011   #2
A flock of reindeer

Is a group of deer really called a flock? I would not be surprised if that was true, but ... well... I'll google it later.

I am not certain, but I sort of feel that you should omit the numbers from the intro. It is complicated enough without the numbers. It will still get a great effect, even without the numbers.

Ha ha, I am so happy I got to read this essay. You do not need any advice from me; your writing is already a masterful work of art. That is because you write in a way that reflects real emotion. When writing, a sculpture, a painting, or any other art can convey a feeling, it is high quality art.

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