Please help me edit my grammar, and I am open to any criticisms!!!
Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
The monotonous high-pitched alarm vibrated in my ears. Herds of starving students rushed across the halls to the cafeteria as soon as the blessed lunch bell rang. Despite my growling stomach, I dreaded going to the cafeteria. I refused to be a loser at an empty table. This past summer, I moved from Wisconsin to Michigan as a result of my mother's job transfer. I was forced to leave the Korean-American community that I was so integrated within.
I walked hesitantly to the table of friendly faces as I felt trampled by a crowd of skinny legged girls. As I contemplated on what I should do, thousands of thoughts rushed into my head. Contemplating on what I should do, I thousand rushed into my head. First, people tend to ignore Asians, because we were apparently the "slanted eyes", "lemon heads" and the "book nerds." Moreover, I did not trust my abilities of making friends. I would usually stutter or blurt out something really stupid unintentionally. And I was not sure if they would accept my Korean- American beliefs and ideas since I was assimilated to a Korean-American community since my immigration to the United States. Because we were from the same culture, it was easy for me to be accepted into their circle.
I nervously approached to the girl in the corner of the table. "Um...hey, can I sit here?" A sigh of relief calmed my uncontrollable heartbeat when the redhead gave me an affirmative reply. But as I opened the crusty cardboard bag, a stench of wet socks surrounded the table. Ugh. It was the smell of fried rice and eggs. I tried to hide the container with my lunch bag as I struggled to secretly scoop out the pearly grains. "Hey what is that?" asked the redhead. Oh no. My heart thumped with the fear of being abandoned as I expected a look of disgust from my fellow lunch companions. But they were apparently big fans of Asian food. As we shared bits of fried rice and cheese sticks, I felt welcomed by their interest in my culture and personalities. I could actually fit in, just being myself. I did not have to be the timid, scared girl, who was afraid to speak out for the fear of rejection by the public. A boost of confidence sparked inside of me as we chatted about our schedules and teachers.
During the multiple relocations and transitions, I have learned to overcome the fear in being confronted by new environments and in turn, recognize hardships as opportunities to develop character. I discovered to adjust my attitude to see the positives in myself by embracing my own qualities, culture, and beliefs. In the future, I may face the same challenge as I enter University of Michigan, but I believe I could meet it with more confidence and strength in my beliefs to adjust more quickly to this new environment.
As I contemplated on what I should do, thousands of thoughts rushed into my head. Contemplating on what I should do, I thousand rushed into my head. --You use the same phrase twice here
First, people tend to ignore Asians, because we were apparently the "slanted eyes", "lemon heads" and the "book nerds." --This isn't necessary. And the "were" tense is wrong anyway.
At the end, don't make it sound like UM is like a high school when it comes to diversity. That's probably a little insulting to the AdComs.
Good luck! Happy Thanksgiving!
