My name is lin, I am a seventeen-year-old Chinese girl. I was born in ZhengZhou, the capital of Henan province in the central part of the country, with a population of nearly 9 million. We have a temperate continental climate, with most rainfall in summer, an average temperature is about 0 degree in January and 30 degrees in July.
Now I have been in New Zealand for 6 months as a high school student. I completed my basic education in China. There are lots of differences between here and my home. For example, not only could I not choose the subjects but we also had an extremely strict time table. The first lesson began at 7:00 am and the last one finished at 9:40. Waking up at 6:30 was inescapable and necessary. We lived in the students dormitory, just like the university.
After 3 years of high school life, I was tired. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back home but I could hardly wait to make a decision for a fresh start, so I came here, expecting new energy and new experiences to really push me to mature. I was pleased to see a new start of my life. The sunshine, the sea and the lovely people here, obviously the friendship here also help me a lot.
Life is like a journey, filled with surprises happiness and challenges and I would like to enjoy the every single spot rather than the destination.
thanks
You definitely do justice to the prompt, but I feel your begining is too direct and provides scope for creativity. If this is an application for a college or university, I am sure reviewers would know your name and D.O.B. and hence such details do not require reiteration. You can alter the begining :
I'm doing some rough phrasing here: "born in ZhengZhou, the capital of Henan province in the central part of the country, I....(Write about yourself) ".
The part about the climatic condition is really not required as the aim of writing an essay is to actually give the college an idea about your perspective and experiences.
The begining of the second para seems abrubt and I suggest that first, you should talk about your experiences in China, then the reasons for shifting to New Zealand and finally about the differences between the educational and social environment of China and New Zealand. You can end the essay by illuminating your experiences in New Zealand and the impact of the experiences on your life.
There are a few gramatical mistakes that can corrected after you restructure your essay.
Elaborate your perspective!!!!
Good Luck!
Thank u very much for the guides, thank u.
I am going to rewrite it and make some change. Here is another question confused me that I am not quite sure should I try to use some harder words in my writing. I had tried, but my teacher said sometimes the words may have the similar means but they might not very proper or just a mistake in the sentences .
So if I really want to practise my writing what should i do? keep using the easy words and easy sentences or some better ways to do?
Thank u a lot.
I am no great writer myself, but I think to improve your writing you should definitely read good books....
BTW some of the essays at essayforum are brilliant and can give you ideas to develop your essay!
What is this essay used for, guy?
Anyway, you missed some characters such as
"The first lesson began at 7:00 am and the last one finished at 9:40 (?) . Waking up at 6:30 (?) was..."
" Maybe it was my desire to be on my own (?) or prove ... "
or
"filled with surprising happiness and challenges.."
Good luck, girl.
Thank u , i think thats a great way to improve and i have started reading some easy books, but still confused by some word's different means. haha, but thank u.
i will keep reading them.
Thank u , i think thats a great way to improve and i have started reading some easy books, but still confused by some word's different means. haha, but thank u.
i will keep reading them.
here is another question, in the end "the life is filled with surprises, happiness and challenges" is this correct? cuz i want to say three different things, and if i say "surprising happiness and challenges" is this same?
My name is lin, I am a seventeen-year-old Chinese girl. I was born in ZhengZhou, the capital of Henan province in the central part of the country, for the past 17 years, I like talking with people and I also love singing, jezz music and reading. I have been playing piano for 4 years and I really enjoy it. I am passionate about learning new language.
Now I have been in New Zealand for 6 months as a high school student. I completed my basic education in China. There are lots of differences between here and my home. For example, not only could I not choose the subjects but we also had an extremely strict time table. The first lesson began at 7:00 o'clock am and the last one finished at 9:40 o'clock. Waking up at 6:30 was inescapable and necessary. We lived in the students dormitory, just like the university.
After 3 years of high school life, I was tired. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own or prove something to everyone back home but I could hardly wait to make a decision for a fresh start, so I came here, expecting new energy and new experiences to really push me to mature. I was pleased to see a new start of my life. The sunshine, the sea and the lovely people here, obviously the friendship here also help me a lot.
Life is like a journey, filled with surprises happiness and challenges and I would like to enjoy the every single spot rather than the destination.
thanks
It's ok, "with surprises, happiness and challenges" or " with surprises, happiness and even challenges"...
