Prompt: Seeking knowledge and commitment to service are integral parts of the Spelman experience. Discuss and illustrate the ways in which you have shown your commitment to these areas.
From an early age, I have always sought success. The world offered plenty and there was nothing I did not want for myself. As a young girl, I envisioned myself as a wealthy woman who lived on the top of a hill with everything money could buy; I knew I would be successful. As I embark on the final chapter of my high school career, I have maintained the idea that I must be successful, and successful I will be. As I approach adulthood and craft the details of my imminent future, I have preserved a craving for knowledge and yearning to share my knowledge with others.
My sophomore year served as the catalyst for my longing to gain knowledge. That year, I entered my first Honors/GATE classes. I could no longer come home to dinner and my favorite sitcom, but for the first time in my life, I was challenged academically and devoted hours of my time to the completion of schoolwork. I had entertained the thought of reverting back into College Prep classes because I knew I could succeed without much rigor. To my astonishment, when I received my report card, I received the very familiar 'A' in my Honors classes. It was then confident to know that I was wholly capable of fulfilling any task no matter the challenge. I had also begun to wonder, what about everyone else? What about those who struggle but do not make it through, who was going to help them?
I believe wholeheartedly that knowledge is absolutely nothing if it is not shared. After taking advanced classes, I realized I had information some students will never have the chance to acquire. I found strength and ability in academics and it would be selfish of me not to share my abilities with those that needed it most. Starting the summer after my sophomore year, I allocated my time to tutoring athletes, particularly those whose future depended on a passing grade in a class. Also, through my participation as an Alpha Kappa Alpha Debutante, I was able to visit destitute children and provide them with crafts they could give to their families as Christmas gifts. I was also able to donate books to children who otherwise are not presented with many opportunities to read. Furthermore, along with members of my high school cheer team, I have donated care packages to homeless shelter and cheered at a local fire station in order to help raise money. Being active in the lives of others has been a pleasure and a blessing.
Hey! I think you essay is well written but of course like any essay could use some modifying. Your essay flows pretty well but I didn't really see a solid conclusion. Depending on the format of the essay I really think your strong essay deserves a strong conclusion as well to finish it off. The last paragraph (if it was intended to be your conclusion) seems more like one of your supporting paragraphs as it details some of your experiences/examples sharing knowledge and then cuts of abruptly.
Some grammar changes...
Starting the summer after my sophomore year, I allocated my time to tutoring athletes, particularly those whose future(should be plural futures because you used plural athletes) depended on a passing grade in a class.
It (Sounds awkward as it? maybe should be I?) was then confident to know that I was wholly capable of fulfilling any task no matter the challenge.
I had entertained(change wordchoice...try contemplated? pondered? ruminated?) the thought of reverting back into College Prep classes because I knew I could succeed without much rigor.
Hope this was helpful! Please edit mine! :)
