'shine brighter in Mexico' - Cornell supplement (Arts and Sciences essay question)

I threw this together pretty quick and I need to bulk it up a little. Please tell me of any suggestions you may have or grammatical errors that I might have made. Thanks, very much.

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

I noticed that the sun seemed to shine brighter in the heart of Mexico, as I squinted my eyes against the intense brightness of the midday sun. I was standing in the ancient city of Teotihuacan and I could see why the ancient indigenous peoples of Mexico called it "The City of the Gods". The awe-inspiring Pyramid of the Sun dominated the surrounding landscape for miles around. The immensity and precision in which it was built dazzled me and I couldn't help but wonder, "How is this possible?". I was twelve at the time and that moment sparked in me a life long love for history.

Since that moment my obsession for the study of history exponentially grew. In high school I took every honors and AP history class that was available. While in history class it was if I wasn't even in school. I got lost in the discussions and time seemed to fly by. It always fascinated me the extent to which past civilizations have influenced us. History continues to excite me because it is possible that any one single finding could have the potential to rock the very foundation of modern man's perception of the chronicle of humanity.

At Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences I hope to continue feeding my hunger for history. The courses will provide me with the rigorous training in researching and analyzing the human past that I so want and need. These skills will provide me with what I need to widen my knowledge of history and give me a fresh point of view to see it from.

Hey Spencer, great essay!
You've managed to show your love for history well. However, I feel that you could do away with descriptions about your AP classes and high school because that's something which would be evident from your transcripts, application etc.

Try writing more about history and more specifically about Cornell. I think then you should be fine. :) Grammar wise, I think your fine.
Good Luck!

Please check my latest post in my CommonApp essay thread and my Oberlin supplement essay if possible. Thanks! :)

Here are a few things you could do:

I noticed that the sun seemed to shine brighter in the heart of Mexico, as I squinted my eyes against the intense brightness of the midday sun.

Brighter...then brightness.. all in one sentence sounds repetitive.

I was standing in the ancient city of Teotihuacan and I could see why the ancient indigenous peoples of Mexico called it "The City of the Gods".

Excellent. Consider changing the phrase: "I could see why..."

The awe-inspiring Pyramid of the Sun dominated the surrounding landscape for miles around.
Expand on this: give more description, "awe-inspiring"-- try a synonym for this, tell the reader more info about that pyramid, in another sentence or two. Maybe you shouldn't end the sentence in "around"

I was twelve at the time and that moment sparked in me a life long love for history. Try to create a transition to this sentence, connecting the description of the pyramid to your love of the cultural history.

While in history class it was if I wasn't even in school. I got lost in the discussions and time seemed to fly by. It always fascinated me the extent to which past civilizations have influenced us. History continues to excite me because it is possible that any one single finding could have the potential to rock the very foundation of modern man's perception of the chronicle of humanity.

These few sentences are very important, this is the "meat" of your essay. I would re-phrase some of these sentences to make them easier to read ( it sounds like rambing a little).

Improve on your conclusion, it is good, but be sure to not sound generic.
These skills will provide me with what I need to widen my knowledge of history and give me a fresh point of view to see it from.

These skills will provide you with the knowledge and confidence to achieve (insert your long-term goal here) The college really wants to hear that you have a plan in life, speak of that as you tell your story. Good luck in school!