I offer you more content corrections than grammar errors at this point because you used a lot of fillers and did not adequately discuss the roles you were presented with.
''Leadership''
My first leadership role was when I got voted for as the class captain of class two (SS2 ''senior secondary class two''). The role which helped me developed valuable social skills that i believe would makes me fits into the UBC community.
- Use the prefect leadership role instead. That is more impressive to read about.''Academic''
''Excellence performance a gateway to more opportunities'', after I performed excellently in class one, I was giving the opportunity to represent my school in 2011 cowbell mathematics competition. The competition that thought me the effectiveness of time management which I believe is a key to unlock the engineering future ahead.
- You should be describing your academic performance in school rather than in a competition that you cannot fully explain in this portion.''creative and performing art''
I played a development role, in a project we exhibited at a yearly project exhibition competition, we prepared some tools used for farming, carrying, and planting using small pieces of metals. The exhibition opens me to world beyond my views which makes me wants to acquire competence in engineering more.
- This is a very weak presentation. It is not impressive at all. I advice you to change it.You need to add more activities to your list. You are supposed to discuss 5 activities per field at 50 words per activity.Double check the statement requirements.