Hello! I am new here, but I need help, please tell me how I can make this essay better. I did Option 4. this is my rough draft, which is also a bit too long so let me know what I should cut
out and such. thank you in advance.
Option #4. Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.
Wanting to become a filmmaker is nowadays, looked upon as taboo. I grew up, with teaching of " follow your dream, but stay realistic". I guess film maker isn't in the
category of "realistic". Everytime, I came across someone with the inevitable "what are you going to do with your life?" question. They seemed to get a stange look
about my answer. All of them discouraged my goals and passion. They point to the ecomony, to facts about " not" making it , to playing
it safe and having backup plans. They pointed to practical money-making careers such as doctors,
lawyers, and engineers. Careers, that pay regreddless of passion. To be fully honest, I started to question my self and have doubts. Was I being a subern junior in high school?"
Afterall, these were people who turly care about me and my future. I went as far, as checking out those "safe" careers paths and I even made back up plans. During that time, it seemed my
childhood dreams and my ulitimate goals were doomed.
Then oddly, I met a teacher. One whose teachings would bring me back to my own path. One who, each and everyday, I aspire to be like. His name is Mr.Keating, he is the antagonist of the 1989 Peter
Weir-directed film, Dead Poets Society. It's about how Mr.keating as a new teacher starts teaching at a strict preparatory, Welton Academy. He influnces not only his students but me with this
incredible teachings. Watching Mr.keating and seeing his love for poetry, made me sick to my stomach and ashame of himself. Actually considering a life I did not want, a life I could never live.
Watching how Mr.keating was different than all the other normal teachers, was insipring. He showed me that there is nothing wrong with being differnt. In one amazing sence, Mr.keating takes
his students in front of the hall of fame glass case. There he pointed to old pictures of past students. His most uplifing lesson began. Mr.keating talked about how those students in the glass case
were eager,viberant,alive young men, just like them, just like me. But now those young men are worm food. I admit that is a bit morbid and depressing but it is undoubtly true. Mr.keating continued
his lesson and I'd like to quaote him here. "Did they wait until it was too late to make from thier lives even one iota of what they were capable? because you see gentlmen, these boys are now
fertilizing daffodils". Then he said two of the most astonishing words I have ever heard, "Carpie Demin: Sezie the day". The movie wasn't even done yet and I knew I had to change. Not just about
the way I think but the way I live. I clamied to love filmming, but I didn't make films on a daily basics. Was I going to wait untill it was too late? Mr.Keating brought these thoughts into my head
and It felt like college was too far away. That if I wanted to be a filmmaker, I'd have to start then and there. So I did. I brought a camera, got some friends, and shouted ACTION. Everytime I uttered
those words and odered my friends arounds, I got goosebumbs. That's when it hit me, filmmaking isn't easy. From the writing, directing to the editing. It takes lots of hours and work. But it truley
made me happy. I can't believe I even considered doing anything else with my life. Mr.keating showed me that.
He showed me that I should live to it's fullest. That what you want to do in live, is what
you should do. No matter how hard. He showed me that theres nothing wrong with: Filmmaker. That it was right, and I should chase my dreams.
For that, I am always in your debt. "Oh Captain, My Captain"
Hey ibrahim,
I like your essay. Its a traditional finding your passion, follow your dreams essay. But that's the things. Its traditional. If you want to do traditional and follow the flock, well then let's say you, most likely, will not have worked to your full potential. In the above essay is the format (how its structured, long line followed by short line) on purpose? I certainly hope not as it takes away from the flow of the essay. I want to hear what happened after you were struck with the realisation that filmmaking isn't easy? What did you do to overcome those odds?
Also in the essay, I don't see anything that would make you. In your entire journey, isn't there something that only you in the world have experienced. What makes YOU? Yours is a story of many. Grant it that their topic may not be film-making but I think you can improve your essay by including an anecdote. Otherwise, good job.
