Hi! I'm an international student applying to UW-Madison. On the application, I'm supposed to make an essay with the prompt: Describe something in your life you think goes unnoticed, and why it is important for you. I currently have this draft , which I will leave here so you can read and comment. I need all the advise I can get! Thanks in advance!
Since I was three, I have been recognized as the girl who spends most of her free time behind a book. I grew up in a household in which reading is a big part of our daily routine, which didn't prevent me from trying out other activities, but instead made me eager to discover the endless possibilities life has to offer. Every time I open a book, I see several pages covered in new information to learn, different things to try and worlds to explore. In books I have found proof that humans can work magic, and I blame -and thank- books for most of the person I am now.
It was books who made me hungry for new experiences, and it was also them who made me understand not everything can be learned by theory, and therefore encouraged me to practice all kinds of different activities like ballet, belly dance, swimming, painting and piano lessons.
What people see in me ranges from a shy girl who uses books to find new realities, to a mad teenager who uses books as a weapon to stray away from others. Truth be told, I am just someone who appreciates the power of words, and the effect they have on me. I am a self-educated Italian speaker thanks to the words in a dictionary, the simple phrases of an audio book, and the plots of lost novels by Primo Levi and Pasolini. I am a painter thanks to Dali's Hidden Faces, and I am a dancer through Baronova's Irina. I will be anything I want to be through the power of written memoires and punctuation marks, and if people do not notice that, it is because they cannot read me well enough.
Fernandam7
Hi, Fernandam7
Woa, you're a truly bookworm. you believe 100% on book's words, that's cool.
i think you should put some kind of 'bridge sentence' before you go to the second paragraph. it is not jumping idea from first to second paragraph though, but i think it will be nicer if you put the bridge sentence after first paragraph. as well with what you write from second paragraph to third paragraph. why you wrote about your activities then you wrote about book as your 'sword'? that is a reason, how good it is if you put bridge sentence in order to avoid any jumping idea. so your writing plot will be more organized.
