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Sibling. Apart from the similarity in facial structures, I can see how else people could compare us.

JazH2015 1 / 2  
Nov 29, 2014   #1
Describe the world that you come from... UC Personal Statement Prompt 1.

Whenever people comment to me and say that my sister looks identical to me, I always shake my head and think... Oh please don't say that... As the years have gone by and she has gotten older, we actually did look insanely like even our height was almost the same, which my parents always teased me about. Yes.. I know she's 13 and I'm going to be 18 and she is almost the same height as me. I guess I felt a little embarrassed about it at first but it's actually funny.

Apart from the similarity in facial structures, I can see how else people could compare us. Both of our rooms are filled with books, stuffed under our beds and stacked against the walls. My sister is always hesitant about going out anywhere with me because she's impatient but whenever we have the chance to go to the bookstore, she is all for it. I remember even one day her telling me, "If you didn't love reading as much as you do, I think I would grow to hate it like the rest of my friends."

We argue a lot and the constant slamming of doors when we fight infuriates my mom. There were even times when I was smaller when I thought I absolutely hated her. At the end of the day, I love her more than anyone really. I love sitting with her in my room arguing about music, pouring our hearts out over books, and talking about school. Being the first in the family to go to pursue a higher education at a university level, I know there is a lot of weight on me to do well and stay in college. There was a time when my grades weren't the best, and it took me that failure in my life to realize that although I was planning to going to college for myself, I was also doing it for her.

I know that I carry a lot of responsibility to be the role model for her to pursue a college education, but she has also been a constant figure to look up to for me. As an eighth grader she was training for the marathon with me that I had taken 3 years to finally convince myself to do so. I probably would have taken another 3 years if it wasn't for her support.

College to me has always meant exciting courses, football games, my own freedom to select my classes, an opportunity to study somewhere I had never even dreamed of, and most importantly higher education. But I know that it means so much more than that for my family. It means being able to help my sister as she's applying to college in 3 years.

- I know this is very late and my the due date is actually tomorrow, but I would appreciate the help! I need to cut it down to 445 words and I am currently at 462, I also need to figure out a way to finish my essay. THANK YOU SO MUCH to whomever can help me! :) -
Cow5215 2 / 6  
Nov 29, 2014   #2
Hello, I believe you have a beautiful start with in the essay. I see that this needs to be cut down a little bit. What is the actual prompt? Your sister is a big part of your life and I see that. In the third paragraph create a little transition between your sister and you higher education, is she helping you with college? Also the last paragraph I love it so much! Good Job so far.

Cheers Aaron.

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