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'Siblings in Mexico' - Someone that has impacted my life


whs5204 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2012   #1
In my life, there has been many people that have left an impacted. Whether they
were close friends, family, teachers, or strangers no matter how big or small
none of them compare to the great impact that my father has made. Without my
father's great impact I would not be the person who I am today.
My father immigrated to the United States when he was just a teenager. He came
in the search for a good job and a better life. My father spent most of his
early life working in the United States to sustain my mother and siblings back
in Mexico. My father did all he could to help his family, even if he has to
leave his country for a good job. He did because he didn't not want his family
to suffer economically.
My father then decided that we should all be together as a family and brought
us to live with him here in the United States. I was only 3 years old when it
happened and I do not remember much of it. I was to young to understand what
was happening in my life at that moment, but now I know that coming to this
country impacted my life dramatically for the best. I say that my father
impacted my life for the best because I do not imagine my life any other way.
This great impact in my life was probably the best thing that could ever happen
to me. When my father brought us to the U.S., he brought us because he wanted
his children to have a good education and a better living. That is exactly what
we have all because of his hard work and effort. This great impact in benefit
me in so many different ways. I can attended to a public High School without
have to pay. Also I can communicate with people in two different languages
which I really enjoy being able to do.
My Father is a great role model to me and I look up to him all the time.
Without my father, my life would not be what it is. He made a great impact in
my life and it is the best thing that could happen to me. My father's propose n
bringing his family to the United States was to have a better life then what he
did. He does his best for his family and I am very thankful for all the hard
work he as done to be able to give us the best. My father is the most important
person in my life, I can not thank him enough for all the great things he has
done for me.
zdv 12 / 68 2  
Dec 1, 2012   #2
a lot of grammatical errors. would suggest proofreading it a few times.
the essay is mostly about your father and that kind of overshadows you.
you're supposed to write how the deeds of a person has helped you to improve yourself not how one action of a person has changed your life.

the writing seems very naive.
concentrate less on praising the person and more on how the goodness of that person had affected you.
excessive use of the word "impact"


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