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Undergraduate Posts: 2

Sick Mom - What is important to you? And why? (maximum 250 words) for UBC


idii01 1 / -  
Jan 4, 2019   #1

My strong community



Growing up, I lived in a small town, where a sense of community was not hard to be found. Living in a good community has helped me to be influenced greatly by those around me, I have gained knowledge from many people. My strong community became distinct when my mum became sick. During this time my dad had to balance going to work, looking after my siblings and I, as well as visiting my mum in the hospital. Members of our community were extremely helpful by looking after us while my dad was not home or simply sending cards showing their support. It was at this time in my life that I knew how important a strong sense of community is. Not only can they support you in difficult times, but they also have shaped me into the person I am today.

(I feel as if I can maybe expand on some of the points and add more substance to it overall)

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,489 1927  
Jan 4, 2019   #2
This is a good start to the essay. Just remember to balance the presentation between what the community did for you during the time of your mother's illness and how you and your family gave back to them when the time came to do so. It is important to show how community relationships have become very important to your life and the focal point of your relationships. The importance needs to be highlighted using at least 2-3 reasons, with proper examples and strong explanations. Since you have 250 words with which to do this, I do not see any problem with developing your essay discussion in a proper manner. You are right about needing to expand the essay and adding substance to it. Right now, this just feels like the first paragraph of what should turn out to be a 3 - 5 paragraph essay. Go ahead and add information and explanations to the essay. I am sure this will be all the better once those additions are made.


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