Thank you for reading this everyone. One of the following essays will be my main essay on Common App, and the other will be a supplement. FIRST of all I welcome your opinion:which should be the main? SECOND I would love any help on this essay. I finished my first fix and I will post a new version as soon as any apropriate recommendation is made. Thank you again. If you want to talk to me about the essay via email, my address is debraluby@gmail.com.
Throw as much of your opinions as possible lol
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It is a Sign
Today Ms Wang summoned me to her office. After three weeks of cleaning the toilet and changing water at the Welfare Center in the residential at the Wenbi Peak, I was assigned a new job taking care of a group of elderly. " They are pretty hard to communicate with, so please do your best."
"I got it."
Communication was not a problem,I thought, believed that there is a common language in the world, music. If there is one thing that I have learned from my family reunions on Chinese holidays, that is old people love classical music. Therefore I prepared three tracks of ancient Chinese music with Guzheng, my beloved instrument. The next day I carried my Guzheng to the Welfare Center and even bought a ticket for it for its enormous size on the bus. Looked down on the watch, I realized that I have arrived earlier than Ms Wang. Her assistant told me that the group was having breakfast in the dining hall. I went there and bowed, pleased to see that people smiled when they saw me. However, it surprised me when I announced that I was going to play some music for them, no one responded. Then I sat down behind my Guzheng, and started to play my granny's favorite, Yu Zhou Chang Wan, a piece of music that is named after the work of a ancient Chinese poet, Wang Bo, known for its ease and smoothness.
The dining hall was serene and silent after my performance. Honestly, it was difficult to tell wether the quietness meant the crowd was stunned or indifferent. Looked up, I found that people showed their respect. They put down their chopsticks and napkins, and smiled politely at me, but there was no feedback. The second piece was Mountain Torrent, composed of joyfulness and flowing rhym. " What do you think of this one?" I asked my audience but still didn't hear from them. Eventually, as I was confused I stood up, I was welcomed by an outbreak of applause.
When I reported this phenomenon to Ms Wang, she showed trepidation. "How could you do that? They are deaf and mute!"
It was too astonishing and embarrasing. At that very moment I understood the absence of comments and the abrupt acclaim to the end. I realized that my audience clapped because they saw me stood up and assumed the performance was over. The idea of me insulting them with sound, twice, bothered me so much that I felt my face and ears burning and humiliation penetrating through my skin in every direction. The excruciation still comes back when I recall this experience today. Back to that Winter, I asked Ms Wang to find another volunteer to substitute me for a week. When I returned home, I turned on the television and look for a channel that has never been displayed more than two minutes in my house, the television channel which has a box at the right hand corner on the screen, displaying a lady talking with her hands.
"What is she doing?"
When I first discovered this television channel, I asked my mother.
"She is speaking with her hand. It's called Sign Language."
"Cool! Is it like Quenya, the elvish language in the Lord Of The Rings?"
"Let's just say it's for the elves who cannot speak or hear."
When I finally found that channel, I locked myself to it for a longtime, learning Sign Language by observing the motion of hands and images displayed on the screen. At first I studied simple words like weathers, and in the following days I stayed to watch news in Sign Language. As I progressed, I found that Sign Language is a hard subject, and it takes courage to face such disabilities like being deaf and mute. Like many people, I didn't pay any attention to this channel that is designed specially for physically challenged people, and now I wish that there are more facilities for this group. Not just people who have to sense the world via Sign Language, but any person with disabilities. In the mean time I realized that there are people who suffer from worse misfortune and need to be taken care of. It was my firm determination to help out those need a hand since that experience.And for that particular day, as least I could do was return to the Welfare Center and make up to what I have done.
Although I can barely tell stories and answer questions with simple sentence and "yes" and "no",we had a great time this time.
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I think the most important thing about an artist is persistence. Artworks last because the passion evoked by artist echoes eternally. In the past few years, it has come to my realization that my persistence can be interpreted as both commitment and patience.
Alanis Morissette, a Canadian-American singer believes: I try to keep a low profile in general. Not with my art, but just as a person. This famous saying has a huge impact on me. Before I get to know about this commited singer, I kept low profile for both myself and my arts. Rarely publish artworks on artistic magazines or attend grand art shows, I found it difficult to communicate about conceptions with my appreciators. It was the summer of 2008 when I decided that I should be more commited about my arts. Luckily, living on a dynamic campus of a famous University gave me useful informations about artistic opportunities. Talking to an art student at the University, I found that the national Korean Language texbook to be published by the Beijing Press in 2009needs illustration. The editor of this textbook work on campus; he told me that "the work will keep any art student hectic for a month."
"I have faith in my arts." I replied, also realizing that if I want to illustrate for the textbook, I have to compete with more than 270 art students who crave to work on the same project to build a bright undergraduate resume. Returned from the editor's office, I sat in front of my desk for a long time, sorting out my outstanding drawings from different respective areas: Acrylic,Sketch andTraditional Chinese Painting. I was harsh enough to pick just seven pieces. Anxiety was like coffeine which kept me sleepless, so I woke up and started a new piece of digital art. Although I wasn't too surprised when my collection blew the editor away, my palm sweated when he told me that I've got the job and the project required thirty seven pages of illustrations. A bigger challenge, but I loved it. My job of illustration kept me occupied and strained for most of the summer. What's more memorable about the job is that it helped me become a more commited artist by reminding me that I have to keep a consistant style and contour in one package. By the time September approached, I knew that when the textbook is issued it will not be just a book on my nightstand.
However, my boldness and commitment about arts are not always paid off, and that's how I learned that persistence also represents patience. It all started as a little whim. Too much movies of La Môme and Pollock made me radical when persuing my goal, and I was going out of my ways to let people notice my artistic interpretations. I started to build a mobile buildboard with my paintings on it, and installed four wheels so I can drag it along the street.The slogan on the board called out for participation in a neoteric art society. I even packed my suitcase and cash and left home for three days for this recruitment. In those days I walked a number of lonely parades, which drew plenty of attention from passersby but attracted no new membership. At the end of my third day, starved and unshowered, I abandoned my buildboard in a bush at the beach and forced myself to sat down and reflect. Then I had to conclude that my art was innocent, but my manner was fallacious. What's more, I would never expect that it was the fine for my discard of a giant buildboard that sent me home. Nevertheless, I did harvest from this experience. I gained appreciation for my parents, who still accepted me after I demonstrated full impetuous behaviours. The whole experience also enlightened me that I am not supposed to rush art . I should be patient and earn my recognition as a result of devoted effort.
Succeeded and failed, I have learned in the most humble way that I should cultivate my commitment and patience in order to be an artist that persistently produce amazing works. And I truly believe myself become a great artist someday.
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Thank you again!
Looking forward to hearing from you!
--Luby Meng --
Hi Ninja, I love your username. Hey, I see some of the encouraging responses you gave people, and that is very nice, but now I can see that you have the necessary knowledge to help a lot more than you do. You only give a single sentence of feedback!! So, please share your skill and help a few other people by giving more feedback. I can't do it all by myself! :-)
I thought communication was not a problem; I believed that there is a common language in the world: music.----> this shows the correct way to use colon and semi-colon.
I think you should take that sentence and make it the last sentence of the first paragraph. But if you do that, you need to talk about music again in the LAST paragraph. An essay should do this:
Say it
Explain it
Say it again
"It" is your meaningful theme, your main idea.
Now, I am looking for "It" in your second essay, too. What is the main idea... persistence? Yes, I think it is, so use the word "persistence" again in the last paragraph of the second essay.
also: And I truly believe myself to be someone who can become a great artist someday.
You seem to have done an excellent job mastering English. As a bilingual person, you can help a lot of other people. Please check out ef-contributor-page but only if you are willing to give more than just a sentence of feedback to each person. If you become a contributor, it looks good on applications...
:)) thanks! Great essays!!
Kevin: Thank you for looking at my essay! (And liking my name lol)
First,I'm sorry about my comments. I understand your concern; you are right, I should make an effort giving more suggestions to people. I'm glad that you pointed that out, I might be less confident about my English and my comments were probably limited to a few notions to the themes. I will do my best giving authentic critique in the future, and thank you again for reminding me this :D
Secondly,I still want to thank you! You gave great advice! However, may I explain my "it" in these two essays? :)
In "This Is A Sign", the "it" seems to be vague and now I understand that it should be fixed. My main idea is through a humble experience, I have learned how to understand and help those in need. I should've probably made my statement clear in the first paragraph, but I would like to keep it subtle, after all, the discovery of the physically challenged people was a surprise. So under this circumstance, what do you suggest me to change about the structure?
Well, for the second piece, you are right. The "it" is persistence. I interpreted perssistence of an artist as both commitment and patience. In the second paragraph I elaborated about "commitment" and in the third paragraph I elaborated about "patience". The word appeared in both the first and second paragraphs. In the last paragraph it comes as "persistently". :D
Kevin, I would to thank you again for looking at my essay and giving me great suggestions on posting in this forum. Hope to hear from you again。
^_^
Well, about the feedback, I saw some great feedback you gave, too. I am just in the habit of encouraging people to help each other more... and I notice you have a great style to share. I appreciate that sort of thing.
Oh, I also noticed this: longtime . It should be long time.
So under this circumstance, what do you suggest me to change about the structure?
Yes, subtlety is great! Sometimes in composition, though, you need to just let the reader know what you mean. That first paragraph is short, and there is room for a powerful sentence that says something about the concepts involved and not the actual experience. For example, you ... well, actually, what you wrote right here is great!! Through a humbling experience, I have learned how to understand and help those in need. ----> maybe put this at the end of the first paragraph? What do you think?
