Prompt:Please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience, or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus sitizenship or a call to service.
I first walked into Dr. Rostock's orthodontics office when I was eight years old. When I first stepped through the doors into her office I was scared of the unfamiliar surroundings, the tools, and the fact that I was going to have strangers putting their hands inside my mouth. Little did I know that I would be going through those office doors hundreds of times in the coming years.
The day Dr. Rostock said the words to me, "you're going to get braces today," I was nervous and filled with anxiety. As I sat in the chair with my mouth forced open and Dr. Rostock gluing the braces onto my teeth I imagined my classmates calling me names like, " brace face, metal mouth and tin grin." When she finally said, "all done" and handed me a mirror, I felt my heart sink. My urge to smile was gone, I felt that my smile was no longer special.
As months went by and visits to the office became a routine activity. I found myself becoming more and more relaxed with the staff and Dr. Rostock, I was now a regular. Dr. Rostock and her team became my friends and were like a second family to me. At numerous appointments I was told by Dr. Rostock that she had never seen anything like this before. People would normally feel like a freak when told that but for me that statement made me feel special and that I was unique. My uniqueness continued when I was told that I had everything in the books done to my teeth, from headgear, surgery, wires to an expander the list goes on and on. My braces had become a part of me but deep down I wanted them gone.
Almost every visit began with the question, "are they coming off today?" The answer was always, "no" until July 17, 2007. As I sat in the same chair I did almost 5 years ago Dr. Rostock began removing my braces. When I heard the pop of the final bracket and her gloves coming off I realized I was no longer a brace face. I looked into the mirror for the first time in 5 years without braces I was overcome with joy, amazement, and confidence. The effect of that first glance of my new smile changed me and my goals.
I became more confident and carried my head high instead of covering up behind braces. The confidence I gained that moment has stuck with me and will aid me through my college experiences and help me achieve my goal I set that day. My goal is to becoming an Orthodontist like Dr. Rostock and pass down her legacy of making people have the same euphoric feelings that I experienced and giving someone that confidence to achieve.
I think here you need a semi-colon or a full stop.
"I found myself becoming more and more relaxed with the staff and Dr. Rostock
; I was now a regular".
At numerous appointments I was told by Dr. Rostock that she had never seen anything like this before. People would normally feel like a freak when told that but for me that statement made me feel special and that I was unique.
I'm slightly confused. What did she say exactly?
I'm not sure if you are completely answering the prompt. How has that experience helped you? Has your new found confidence made you independent? Have you become strong-willed, and can take decisions without worrying about what others will think of you?
This is very good writing. You are not using this essay to its full potential, though. You can reflect on this experience and find symbolic significance, talk about how it foreshadowed events of your future, or talk about what it taught you about yourself.
What is the significance of this experience? It answers their question, but how can you use this to demonstrate your outlook on life?
