Tell us something about you that you want us to know.
I took the pencil in my hand, by then glistening with nervous perspiration, while the anxiety slowly crept into me. I forced the ruler against the rough yellow page, wondering if this was going to be the end of what I so strived to achieve. Resisting the temptation to remove the solitary bead of sweat hanging on the edge of my jaw, I dragged my arm cautiously, careful to suppress my proclivity for straying from the line I decided to take. As the the graphite made its awaited contact with the trailing edge of the ruler, a sense of euphoria took hold of me as I realized I had managed to draw a parallelogram after all this work.
Lines have a beauty of their own. Devoid of sense of beginning and end on their own, they co-exist with various other shapes and curves, complimenting them while creating the most appealing of images. Seldom can a man stand before the the Louvre and not be amazed at how several lines come together to give us, the audience, a sense of grandeur in front of our eyes. Nor are we ever underwhelmed by the magic that the three lines, resting against each other, and a circle, nestling solemnly between them, create in Rowling's final work. We find meaning behind the interaction of lines, give them names. A coming together of three lines at an angle was called a triangle. The interaction of four perpendicular lines was called a square. At times we take these shapes for granted, forgetting the brilliance of the individual lines that came together to form a group of such lines. We attach rules to such shapes, ones we believe will hold true every time they come together in a certain way. Theorems upon theorems are built on this neglect of the individual lines, ones that we concentrated on only when they were alone. But we forget that lines interact with other shapes, but they also shine by themselves, for no man could withhold his wonder as he stands on the the edge of the Rose Line, one that traveled miles and told a story often forgotten.
Lines have a treasured place in my life. I sit at my desk, brooding over a blue college brochure, while surrounded by the lines on the edges of the walls, parallel and perpendicular to each other alternatively. Lines withhold us in the form of the limits we set to ourselves, keeping us enclosed in the square we imagine being in. There are some lines we cannot cross while some lines we ought not to cross. Some keep us safe, away from a world of anarchy and chaos, while others point us to the direction of the loo. But at times, we need to forgo our adulation for such lines and transcend our own limitations. We need to break way from a few lines, and take a stand, be it a social stand in the form of a youth movement, or a personal stand in the form of me telling my friend that she should take steps against her abusive father. Perhaps, we do not destroy lines after all. Perhaps, we create new ones as we escape the boundaries set up by the ones we cross.
As I draw another line on the yellow page of my notebook, I wonder about the significance of lines in my life. They bring a synchronization to the world I live in. They bring regularity to my actions and point the direction to which I ought to strive. Lines interact to to form the outline of the books I loved to read, while they give beauty to the neck of a guitar, calling on us to explore the depths of our soul in the realms of its metallic strings. I strive to escape some, while I am happy to be guided by some. Lines have always been a part of me, and will always accompany me wherever I may roam, whichever line I choose to follow.
I decided to show rather than tell here. A lot of philosophical things are implied in the descriptions of the lines, and how I view them. I hope it was interesting, and showed how I think.
Seldom can a man stand before the the Louvre and not be amazed
A coming together of three lines at an angle was called a triangle. The interaction of four perpendicular lines was called a square.
There are actually 3 angles in a triangle, only 2 sides are connected to one angle at a time
square is merely 2 pair of perpendicular lines or 2 pair of parallel lines
Just thought I would clear that up.
Overall i really like the essay, the way you use lines in several different connotations is incredible. I absolutely loved it. I recommend you read over it there are a few other words that are repeated one right after the other (such as the the) but overall really good
Thanks a lot.
Any other last minute suggestions or advice?
My common app is something I am very disappointed with, hence, this is my only hope.
Yes you can. It's a well written essay. Good luck! :) I don't know how bad your Common App could have been, but this is an exceptional essay.
Lines have a beauty of their own. Devoid of sense of beginning and end on their own...
Own is repeated here, and kind of sounds jarring to me, and I don't know how to fix this.
To your above comment, maybe cut the "on their own." I don't know if this changes your meaning too much but it would help.
I liked the Harry Potter reference by the way. But you forgot the fourth line down the middle.
Very strong, I'm always trying to show rather than tell in my essays, I understand perfectly what you are doing there. I can see the philosophical meanings hidden in the essay and I'm sure the admissions will as well. One thing though is the use of big words like "proclivity," I might change those to simpler words. Yes, you want to sound smart but it kind of interupts the flow because its not a common word.
Thanks. I forgot the fourth line, which is very sad.
Are there any grammar mistakes? I already submitted it to Yale, but I have some time to edit if for Harvard.
Last check before I submit. Anything else?
Thanks everyone. I just submitted this, after some of the edits/corrections you suggested.
Okay. I have some late deadlines, and hating my common app essay, I want to post this as the common app essay for them.
Would it be wise?
Do you really know substantial things about me from this essay? Is that even a purpose of the common app essay?
Not bad. But it doesn't really tell a lot about you. It is well written though.
What picture of you does this essay leave the reader with?
That is the question.
The ideas are good, but try to relate lines to you more than just being generic about it.
Please read my POMONA 2 essay -- fun experience
This is really very well written. :) But I agree to the above two posts.
Please read my Tufts Optional Supplement essay if possible. I would appreciate you help. Thanks! :)