Most significant challange - Short essay, 200-250 words

5. Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

My breathing was ragged.

I fought to push all distracting thoughts away from my mind and kept on running forward. Five minutes had barely passed, yet I was already panting hard. I constantly switched my sprint to a walk, taking deep breaths to ease away the fatigue that seized me.

Physical activities had never been my forte. Mine was to fiddle around with numbers, to ponder the complex yet fascinating theories of science, and to solve problems demanding logic and critical thinking. I almost never lost a battle fought on paper. Yet it was in the ordinary PE sessions where I had come to face my trial.

Three minutes left.
I remembered how two weeks ago, I only scored 11 laps out of the expected 14 in the nine-minutes sprint.

One minutes left.
I had lost count of how many laps have I ran. Feeling that this was my final minute, I ran without slowing down. My chest felt like it was going to burst - yet I heed none of the warnings issued by my body. I steeled my will against the throbbing protests of my lungs, and ran until the last second.

A sudden nausea struck me after I had stopped my dash. However, my teacher revealed something that immediately cleared the pain away. I had, to my disbelief, run 14 laps! It was a major improvement and sweet victory I take pride on. I won a bout against someone I didn't want to lose to:

Myself.

What do you think about this essay? Is it good enough, or is it weak? I've reached the 250 wordcap. Thanks all!

A bit of a cliched topic.

Your narrative, particularly due to your grammar, is rather weak as well.
You use a number of trite phrases in your essay as well.
Also, selling yourself as a person who only does well in academics but is lousy in sports suggests you are a one dimensional nerd. As Universities are trying to become increasingly diverse, a one dimensional nerd is not impressive.

Physically impossible.

^Well the point of his essay is to make himself seem more 2D...yet it does not do the job very well.

^Why on earth would any applicant want to do that?


^Ya I know Simone. The whole narrative is weak, because of such poorly written sentences.

^Errr...I mean well rounded.

That "I switched my sprint to a walk" thing was a mistake. I'll correct it. Thanks for the note =)

The point that I'm trying to make is, even though I'm not skilled at sports, I am determined to improve myself and to not give up. Do you have any idea of how to make this message clearer? Or, is it not good a message at all? I know I'm weak at narratives, and I'd like some pointers on how to improve if you would. Thanks!