I see my self as a person who is unintelligent.
I have often seen my self as a person who is unintelligent. One experience of mine that helped me to define myself as a person was my parents. There was this time when my grades in school
are were not that high. I always envied my classmates who had grades 90 and above. --- do you see how I am putting all the verbs in the past tense? If you work on conjugating verbs, it will help you very much.
I could really see how proud their parents were when they went...
I like the ending!!!!!---> In that way my parents will surely be proud of me.
Apart from the grammar, I think you should use a different word than "unintelligent." When a college admissions person reads that, they'll think that you have low self-confidence, since "unintelligent" is a very derogatory word. I would change the sentence to say something along the lines of "I was never the most intelligent person in my school, etc.."
Never make yourself look bad in the essay. It's one thing to say you're not the best, but to say you are bad, that's a problem.