Simons NYU Summer Explorations program grammar and tips for improving my essay

Why are you interested in participating in this program? How can this program help you and/or your community? What parts of the program are you most interested in? Be sure to mention any activities that you participate in -- clubs, after school programs, independent research, hobbies that further your interests in science.

As I sat at my desk doing my homework, a band of stress covered the back of my head; I felt so overwhelmed especially as someone who struggles with being vulnerable. Unsure who to turn to it was at that moment that I saw the potential of AI becoming a source of support. Today, mental health remains a pressing issue, in New York during 2024, one in four younger adults between the ages of 18 and 34 reported anxiety and/or depression. Witnessing burnout among my peers and experiencing it myself motivated me to explore how academic workload influences high school students' use of AI chatbots for emotional support. As a student volunteer in EMS, I encountered individuals experiencing severe anxiety, loneliness, and, in some cases, substance use as a coping mechanism. Through my research, I hope to identify communities where emotional support is limited and eventually refine such chatbots as an accessible therapeutic device. This program deeply interests me because it will allow me to expand my research. By participating in New York City's social and cultural environment, it will allow me to observe how these dynamics appear in urban areas outside of my own community. At this program I hope to study the neural and chemical processes underlying loneliness such as the roles of oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine as well as learn how genetics and environmental factors interact in the development of mental health illnesses.

The thing is, the program is asking you to discuss the community that you should have already identified as being the beneficiary of this program. So, you cannot respond with eagerness about finding a community where the chat bots might be useful. Also, AI therapy was not available yet in 2024. It was in its infancy at that point and was not really a reliable app yet. So I think you should fast forward the essay to late 2025, which is when the AI Talk Therapy apps actually started to boom. You also need to clean up the essay. It needs heavy editing with regards to punctuation marks, run on sentences, and actual clarity of your thought presentation throughout the statement response. What is the maximum word count for this paper? I feel like there is still a lot of room to explain yourself and improve the content of the paper if you have the leeway to do so.

Hi Holt,

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for your advice; I really appreciate it. My maximum word count is 250 words, and I've removed the statistic. For the community aspect, my research is currently focused within my own community, but my larger goal is to support people outside it, since experiences can differ depending on socioeconomic environment. But I think I should focus specifically on my community for clarity like you said. I had this idea but I don't know if its worth mentioning...I was thinking of creating a program that connects students across grade levels for STEM outreach, using what I learn from this program and the labs as a foundation for teaching others. Do you have suggestions for how to frame the community part better? Also, for grammar and style do you have specific critiques on how I could make my writing more thoughtful, cohesive, and concise? I really want to improve it but I'm not the strongest writer.

The prompt is asking you to describe how the program will help build yourself and your community. Think of this as a symbiotic relationship. Don't go outside the community. That is too wide and not covered by the prompt.


Just keep things simple. Use a related community plan instead. How does your development within the program help the members of your immediate community?


It is not a bad idea. There are no bad ideas. The reviewers look for students who have creative ideas for helping to educate the members of their community. It shows civic mindedness and often helps the applicant when being considered by the adcom.

Your essay is perfect as it is. It is human, not AI. The committee members do not look for perfect writing or grammar. They look for impressive ideas and the heart of the writer. That cannot be found in an Ai edited or written essay. You are doing very well in terms of developing your paper. Keep up the human context in your writing. Do not worry about the essay not being perfect. It is the ideas that matter the most.