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"I want to simply help others - a government major" - Cornell CAS Essay


aitherios 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2010   #1
Hey, guys. I'm not really sure if this makes sense as an "intellectual interests and their evolution" essay. It's still the first draft, and it's around 150 words too long, but don't worry about that. I just need to know if my topic is something that falls under intellectual interests. Thanks!

Prompt: Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

When people are asked to describe teenagers, the portrayal that comes out is almost always about how they are reckless, foolish, dramatic and indecisive. I can safely and confidently say, however, that I am not a part of this stereotype. I have always tried my best to be disciplined and down-to-earth. Most of all, I have never been one to do things without a clear goal and a purpose. I have always known exactly what I want, and what I want is simple: to help people.

I come from the Philippines, an impoverished country, which means that at a very young age, I had already been exposed to the realities of scarceness and destitution. I passed by shanties everyday and saw beggars on the street on my way to school, and all I could do was be sympathetic towards the plight of these people. Helplessness is a terrible thing. Having the will yet feeling powerless was a brutal punishment. I felt all of these things before I had even reached the age of ten. At that point, all I could do was ask my mother to give some coins to a child on the street. I could not act on my desire to help.

My latter years of elementary school had helped me realize the failure of the Philippine government in fulfilling its responsibilities towards its people. This was due to the rampant corruption and overwhelming greed present in it. The institution that had sworn to protect society was the very same body that was tearing it apart and causing its misery. I was starting to realize just how much the government influenced the people, and how this power was not being used for good anymore. It piqued my interest just how much it could benefit the people if we put better officials, ones that could not be easily swayed, in positions of power.

Upon entering high school, I decided to join the debate team, which opened up further realities of Philippine society. Instead of hating the government and looking down on them for the damage they had caused, I wanted to improve it. I learned, however, that the Philippine government is no longer a self-correcting body. Almost everybody that entered politics had selfish reasons, or was eventually swayed to put themselves above others. I had been looking for change everywhere when I realized that it had to come from me all along.

Before my last year in high school, I attended a leadership conference in Washington, D.C. and New York City. In that conference, I realized just how big the world really was. If I learned anything from debate, it was to look for parallel examples to solve the problem at hand. The Philippine government could only be corrected if the source trying to improve it uses the models of more successful governments in order to implement a change. This was where I realized that if I wanted to fix Philippine society through its government, I had to learn about it through the eyes of a non-biased third party, and utilize the examples of other nations in order to create a more effective ruling body.

After this epiphany, I started looking for universities which could offer me the best study of governments of other nations. I found Cornell and saw that it offered not only different courses about American government and international relations, but as well as opportunities to go to other places and learn first-hand. Becoming a government major at Cornell, specifically, would give me a broad perspective beyond international relations because I would be able to integrate other fields of learning in my major as well.

Though I am a bit reluctant to leave my country, I have realized that the sacrifice I am making is for the greater good. I am willing to let it go for now, but upon my return, I know that if I study in Cornell, I will be fully equipped to make a change and start the evolution.
MJ60 - / 2  
Oct 23, 2010   #2
Politics is an intellectual interest. I didn't know where you were going at first, until I realized that you were interested in making a difference in your country. I am not sure the first paragraph should be the first paragraph, it lead me astray initially. I also think that you might need to be more specific about Cornell's program.
OP aitherios 1 / 1  
Oct 23, 2010   #3
Alright, I agree with you on the first paragraph. Do you think that without it, there would be a better flow of ideas in terms of trying to convey my message?
MJ60 - / 2  
Oct 23, 2010   #4
Yes I do. It seems unnecessary. From your essay I get that you are an altruistic person. It is admirable that your intellectual interest stems from caring about others. :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 27, 2010   #5
I have always tried my best to be disciplined and down-to-earth.

That's what I did, and I ended up making all my mistakes in my early 20s. Don't make mistakes! Enjoy your work, and make sure you have a way to have fun, too!

to help people.--- well, this is powerful because it is so all-encompassing, but it is also very vague. You could add a small detail to make it more memorable. Be just a little more specific, and it will be better, I think.

I had been looking for change everywhere when I realized that it had to come from me all along. --- This is a good part of the essay.

The last paragraph should be rewritten. I see that you write very well, so I don't want to make any suggestions... but.. "start the evolution" is not the right way to use the word evolution, and... the sentence is too long... just rewrite that part! :-)

I think you should rewrite the intro and conclusion so that they express a specific desire to help specific people in a specific way. Let the theme be based on the ideas represented in the body of the essay.

:-)


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