Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

UC Prompt #1 A single mother in my world - the world you come from


tylerseals 1 / -  
Oct 23, 2012   #1
Can anyone please review this essay and give me the most crucial and important advice to make this a better essay.

Prompt #1: Describe the world you come from, for example, your family, community or school, and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Having been raised by a single parent and being labeled as a statistic, I felt the pressures of being left out and looked at as the help wanted sign. As a child, I struggled being the only child, raised by a single mother/ parent, and being diagnosed with Attention-Deficit- Hyperactivity- Disorder, it was as though my list of failures grew every day. I was an outsider to the rest of my peers; I was casted as the crazy, hyperactive kid without a father. Matters only grew worse as the years went by with each father's day which only emphasized the fact that I had no father as I dug deeper into the field of knowledge while my peers created the most elaborate gifts for their fathers. I always blamed myself for my father's absence, thinking I was the reason he left, but it was the years that went by that intercepted this idea of me being the reason for his estrangement that I realized the meaning of responsibility. I realized that I did not need two parents to make me feel complete and like everyone else, my mother was the only parent I needed that would take care of me and guide me to the path of success.

It is true I am the product of an absent father but my mother filled in both shoes of being both parents. My mother managed to raise me, while attending a four year university and working a part time job, she became the ideal worker in my family and exemplified the meaning of hard work and dedication. When times were hard on us she managed to provide me with all the necessities of life, while studying at the same time. Her focus consisted entirely of me and her education. Even as I grew older she instilled in me the values of education and what comes along with it, her dreams of being in the educational field while attending for me did not stop her from achieving her goals. At the tender age of seven, I was diagnosed with ADHD, at the same time my mother was back in school studying for her bachelor's degree. It was not always easy for her and I to deal with this disorder but we both managed to overcome the ordeal.

Through her dedication of education and caring for me, her aspirations of being an educational instructor, and her tough love discipline whenever needed with me, my mother has inspired me to be a better man than my father. Her values have inspired me to set and achieve high goals, whether it is in education or my love of Track & Field. My mother's dedication of education encouraged my love of school and setting high standards for my educational career. She managed to graduate from a university, going back to obtain a bachelor's degree, and raising a child, her success has encouraged me that it is the hard work that allows you to be successful in life. Education is the ultimate success in life and through my mother's influence it has inspired me to take on all my responsibilities, be a better man than my father, and achieve in academic success.

dquinlan11 - / 16 7  
Mar 4, 2015   #2
tylerseals, this is a very thoughtful response to the prompt! One thing I would suggest is to keep an eye out for unnecessary repetition. For example:

"As a child, I struggled being the only child, raised by a single mother/ parent..."

"Matters only grew worse as the years went by with each father's day which only emphasized the fact that I had no father as I dug deeper into the field of knowledge while my peers created the most elaborate gifts for their fathers. "

I'd recommend using some pronouns (he, she, it, they, etc.) to replace some of the repetitive nouns and some rephrasing for some clauses that introduce repetition (i.e. "When I was younger" instead of "As a child"). This will vary the phraseology for the reader, engaging their attention in a more natural, conversational way.

Hope this helps!
jdlr96 2 / 2  
Mar 4, 2015   #3
"It is true, I am the product of an absent father, but my mother filled in both shoes of being both parents."
"Through her dedication ofto education and caring for me,"


Home / Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 A single mother in my world - the world you come from