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"every single sport and after school activity" - college application essay.

cma29 1 / 1  
Oct 14, 2009   #1
So I have been working on this for a week or so. I have had endless ideas. But i finnaly settled on this one please let me know what you think.

Over the years I have done almost every single sport and after school activity. I tried everything ballet, soccer, figure skating, softball, volleyball, tennis, golf and that is only to name a few. I loved sports and I always enjoy trying new things. But I wanted to find something that I really loved to play. It was not until the spring of my junior year that I discovered flag-football. I must admit that I have never been the most girly girl ever, so something about being on the flag-football team called to me.

After grueling weeklong tryouts, I made the team it felt almost as excellent as getting an A. I did not care that we had to run more than two miles the first day, or that we had to do endless drills. This was the first team that I really happy to be a part of. Every one of my team members helped me to lean the plays. And what the job of my position was, because I was so new to football. By the time our first game came around I was energized and anxious, hoping that all would go well. I remember the couch yelling my name for me to go in; I was never as lost as when that first play began. I was trying to process everything going on around me, trying to block the opposing girls from getting to my quarter back. All while trying not to make the wrong moves. When the ball was thrown and a touchdown made, it was an overwhelming feeling to be a small part of such a remarkable play. When my team won District Champions it was an amazing experience. At the time I would have been happy to stop there, not knowing any better. But my surprise our journey did not stop there. We squeezed passed Regional Championships, and made it to the State Finals in Boca Raton. The State Finals game began like any other, and the outcome looked good for us. But towards the end of the second quarter we were down by more than twenty points. After a quick pep talk at half time we pulled together. But no matter how hard we tried, we kept getting it wrong. We lost that game thirty-three to thirty-five. But I know that I had done my best, we all had.

Football was so different from anything I have every done before it was exciting and at times confusing. I may have tired a lot of different things before I found just one to stick to. But no matter what I did I have always tried my hardest and done my best. And trying things I have never done before has helped me to be learn new things quickly, in all aspects of my life.
Jeannie 10 / 214  
Oct 15, 2009   #2
Fair rough draft!:) Now you need to include how this all ties in to your future endeavors at (institution name), and why you should be chosen for admission at said institution. I like the topic, you just need to organize it as a selling point. The whole bit about trying different things 'till you find your niche kind of says you lack focus, so be careful with that, it is an app essay, after all.

You are doing fine. Send the new version tomorrow (with an ending that supports your wish to be accepted at University), and I will help you tighten it up a bit.

Blue skies, Alexandra!
OP cma29 1 / 1  
Oct 17, 2009   #3
I just wanted to say thank you SOOO much Jeannie for helping me out on this, becaus i want it to be awesome. I changed a few things mostly the last paragraph and a bit in the first. I am not sure if i changed it enough though. Tell me what you think.

Thanks again

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