Every single time I complain about Boulder, Colorado my mom remind me about my 'America' excitement

Describe the world you come from, your school, family, or community and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
[/b] for UC Davis

"You were so excited to come to the U.S when you were in Nepal that you wouldn't stop talking about it!" what my mom says to me every single time I complain about Boulder,Colorado. The world I come from has people suffering from poverty, but they're all still standing strong, they have lack of good food and clean water, but they still strive to make everyday a good day. Nepal is the world I come from.

As a eight year old I didn't know that a vacation meant moving to a different country. I remember that day, we had about seven luggages packed and ready to go. The only thing that was going on my little head was getting on an airplane for the first time. But, as we got into our car and drove away from our house I saw tears rolling out of my mom's eyes. I didn't know we were going away for good. I still remember coming to the US for the first time by taking five airplanes. I had thrown up in all of them, also since then my fear of airplanes started. When we finally landed and stepped into the Denver Airport I was amazed by all the people.

It has been eleven years since we moved to Boulder. I still wonder to this day why we moved here in the first place because all we did was struggle. My dad's explanation to how we exactly ended up here is he had made a bet with his friend at work as a joke where they both entered a lottery contest; whoever wins gets visas,and whatever else you need to come to the U.S.That one lottery decided our fate. He had never expected to win. So, we dropped the lives, we had and moved to Boulder. We didn't have a plan, nor were we prepared for anything.

After, the move it was a constant battle for my parents and I. My parents never had it easy. When, we first came here they didn't know English. I was the one that would translate for them. They couldn't find a job which meant no money. As the years went on they did find jobs, not the jobs they had wished for at all, but it was money, and we needed it. My parents are the strongest people I know. Their support and the constant fights with them are the reason why I want to keep pushing myself to leave Boulder, and start a new chapter on my own.

Each year I realize why it is so important to keep heritage and culture alive. I know that the next time I go back to Nepal everything will be different. All the things I remember as a eight year old won't be the same, and all I will have is the small memories that's left. But,now I am seventeen I am able to understand and comprehend more towards situations like these. I want to continue to share my culture, and my country throughout my life which I have done by presenting my cultural dances and showing why Nepal is so important to me.

This experience has changed me as a person. I am not sure if the changes I have gone through are good or bad, but I know that my life has been an obstacle course ever since I moved here.I have struggled to become the person I am, and to be honest I never had a dream and I am still not sure what my "dream" is. I know that one of my goals is to go to a university after high school, but I also know that my family can't afford that. I am not going to give up on that goal just because of money. My experience is the reason why I want to go to a university. I want to give other people that hope that no matter where you come from even if it is the poorest country you still have the chance to prove your capability in this world.

You talked a lot about Nepal being the world you come from, but you rarely describe Nepal. Instead, you described a lot about your move to Boulder, which distract your focus. Also, you haven't explain enough about how exactly your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations, as the essay is asking. You should tell more about this.

Overall, your essay is good, but lack of focus because you wrote too broad. You shouldn't tell all the details of your experience, this is not a novel that has to have chronological plot. Since the essay has word limit, focus on one aspect that is the most important for you. Maybe you can focus in your experience as immigrant from Nepal (so you should not explore much in your identity as Nepalese), or your coming from Nepal (so you should not explore much in your move to Boulder). After all, you do have a story, there are many options to try :)