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'I go to Sir Ernest MacMillan' participate in International Baccalaureate program?


HappyBoi 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2013   #1
An essay about why you wish to participate in the International Baccalaureate program and what you believe you could contribute.

Please give some advice to what I wrote. I am in serious trouble. I did not do so well on the previous term so its going to show up badly this paper and the test are the only cards i can play now. Please also see if you could make it a little more descriptive but at the same time shorter Also give me a grade. Thanks a lot.

Here it is:

I am Harry Li, I go to Sir Ernest MacMillan and I believe that I belong in the IB community. I am a student who takes my work seriously and works well with others. I have many ambitions that drive me to work hard, and I believe that IB will help me in achieving my full potential. I have numerous skills that will help thrive in IB's competitive environment. This is why I should be a part of Victoria Park's IB program.

Out of all my hobbies, I spend the most time on tennis. I spent an average of 3 hours a day playing tennis to make sure I improve, and to stay fit. I believe that the skills I learned in tennis will keep me focused, and organized. Currently I am ranked 140 in OTA, and I am hoping to improve my ranking to the top 50's by the end of the school year. The reason I play tennis is to improve my chances of getting a Scholarship in the states. This goal helped me improve my attitude towards learning, and will help me succeed in IB.

I plan to study Commerce and Finance in University, and I believe that IB will help me reach my goal. I believe that IB's program suits me and that it will help me advance to the next level. Currently my goal is to go to Wharton University of Pennsylvania and to study Business, Finance, and Marketing. I would like to take Economics, and Finance in High School to understand the logics of business. I believe that having this goal will keep me focused and motivated in IB.

My abilities consistently helped me advance in school. Abilities such as Organization, Time Management, and Self-Regulation helped me improve in school and will help me get through IB. A lot of these abilities were learned in Olympiads; a school that helped me advance to the next level. These skills are an important aspect to do well in school and gave me a new perspective of life. I believe that my abilities will make school a lot easier for me than other students.

Because of my hobbies, goals, and abilities I believe that I deserve to go to IB. Tennis keeps me organized and fit, and may increase the chances of getting a scholarship in the States. Studying Commerce and Finance in the Wharton University of Pennsylvania will give me a goal to work off of. Finally my abilities will help me prosper in IB. This is why I belong in the IB community.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 21, 2013   #2
I am Harry Li, I go to Sir Ernest MacMillan and I believe that I belong in the IB community.

I am Harry Li, currently studying at Sir Ernest MacMillan Public school. I believe I belong to the IB community. .... however, I feel you better make the latter statement late in this response after you convince them that you can well fit in IB community.

I plan to study Commerce and Finance in University, and I believe that IB will help me reach my goal. I believe that IB's program suits me and that it will help me advance to the next level. Currently my goal is to go to Wharton University of Pennsylvania and to study Business, Finance, and Marketing. I would like to take Economics, and Finance in High School to understand the logics of business. I believe that having this goal will keep me focused and motivated in IB.

You better discuss your goals and IB's capabilities in helping you achieve them by citing a few features of IB. That way is more convincing.


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