This is an essay I wrote in response to the given topic and it is about my sister. feedback would be great
Light
It was about three years ago when I had seen a miracle before my eyes. It was an experience that had forever changed my life and my complete outlook of my faith and beliefs. Only being in the end of middle, a ripe age of fourteen, I already felt like my life was falling apart. I was losing belief in my faith, I was losing hope in the relationship between my parents, and I was losing faith in myself. However before I had turned fifteen, the birth of my youngest sister Norah, had impacted my life in such a way, I could not be more grateful for the things I have, ever.
Life was going on as usual, with no change, just regular routine. My parents were in a tough financial system and my family was spending more than we could afford, adding great frustration to the relationship of my parents. The marriage of my parents was on the rocks and the outlook of our family was not at its best. I was only fourteen years old and I had obviously been going through a stage of uncertainty and just started to begin my journey to finding my true personality, who I really, was and what I really believed in. I was starting high school and with all this stress I was dealing with, I wasn't ready for anything significant in life. The only significant things I could think of were extremely pessimistic and negative and my general outlook wasn't in high spirits. I had this weird thought that I was one of the unluckiest people in the world, having to listen to constant bickering while scribbling down my homework or asking for things I know my parents couldn't provide me with. I remember that every single problem that a teenage girl could face, I was facing. Because I was so young, I wasn't capable of handling so many things at once. I never even had the thought of having another sibling. It was too late and it would totally change the dynamics of how my life was currently, and I didn't need that.
When I was younger, I had always been talking about having a little sister and what I would name her and what we would play together; but those thoughts were left with my childhood. When my mom told me the big news, I couldn't believe it. I thought it was some sick practical joke or maybe she was going through some peculiar midlife crisis, and by making herself think she was pregnant, it would magically solve the problems around us. I had been used to 12 years of my younger brother and that's just how things were; me, my brother, and my two parents. However, the timing of my sister's birth was absolutely perfect. I was excited for change, and a new distraction. But I never expected how amazing the outcome would be; I never thought that ahead of myself. My life had taken a 180 degree turn, and the best part of it all was that is wasn't overwhelming at all. I remember the day my sister was born like it happened just the other day. Every single detail is still crystal clear: the sterile hospital smell, the soft skin and tiny fingers of my sister, the dark circles under my mother's eyes, and a smile on my dad's face unlike any other smile I had ever seen. That day isn't the significant event of my life but falls under a big significance: my sister. After July 15th, 2007, my life was never the same and never will be.
My sister's name is Norah, coming from the root Noor, meaning light, in Arabic. My sister brought light into my world and light in my mind. My parents stopped fighting, I started to relax more, and I no longer dreaded coming home. My sister is my get away, and her soft laughter will be something that will turn the worst day in the world, to the best. I believe she saved my family from falling apart. Our focus shifted from our selfish needs to my sister. My family and I genuinely became happier and we no longer had to put a fake smile in front of others to show we are a perfect little family, because now it comes naturally, and joy is a routine feeling now, but the feeling is a habit you're willing to get used to. After everything that has happened, I've become more grateful for the things and people I have. I no longer take anything for granted and actually appreciate things, where as before I would just have pessimistic expectations going into everything. But now I learned to live life with no expectations and just take what life gives you and appreciate it to its fullest extent. My sister Norah has impacted me the most in my life and I will always be thankful for her. Because of her I am happy and I smile everyday, and believe that real life miracles do exist, except mine came when I least expected it. I saw light.
-"It was about three years ago when I had seen a miracle before my eyes. ":Awkward. try something simpler? Like "Three years ago, I saw a miracle.' though there HAS to be a better word that 'saw'
-"I was losing belief in my faith, I was losing hope in the relationship between my parents, and I was losing faith in myself." Raises too many questions. I also think it detracts from the essay, I've only read this much and really want you to just dive into talking about your sister. Shorten the introduction?
-"I was only fourteen years old": that's the third time you mentioned your age! It seems kind of redundant by this point.
-"I was starting high school and with all this stress I was dealing with, I wasn't ready for anything significant in life." 'all this stress'- what? I don't think you should mention it if you are not going to explain it. Or if you already have.
Alright. To be honest, I was losing interest. Further, I don't think you've got a clearly defined intrduction or conclusion, and so it's all blending together in my mind. Plus, it isn't giving me any information about you, or your sister, or your family.. it's just a slightly vague description of your family situation in 2007. I dont think it's a strong college essay, you need to cut down on length. And ue concrete examples that tell your story and how your sister changer YOU. I mean, think of something you started doing differently, better. I appreciate the impact your sister may have had, but I don't think this essay does justice to her or you.
Good luck!
