Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.
I don't think I have a Thesis? Also any help or tips would be great. Thanks
Our lives are often shaped by the people we spend our time with and how they influence us. In my childhood up until now, one person has stood out the most in this role. Even though it may seem cliché, my sister is the person that has made the most impact on my life. Her courage and determination inspire me. Her perseverance through the challenges she faces in her life empower me. She has without a doubt left an imprint in my life.
My sister, 7 years older than me suffers from a severe case of Bipolar Disorder. Before her condition became critical she was a prodigy child. She attended one of the most challenging academic schools in the city. Her grades were flawless 100s and she would not bear to settle for a 95. Seeing her academic abilities inspired me even at a young age. I would always strive to be like her in every way possible. Her relentless pursuit for knowledge inspired me to go to school and learn all I could. She was my role model and I looked up to her.
Her first episodes broke out in her sophomore year of high school. I never really understood what was wrong or why my mom was always worried. I was just a 4th grader at this time and could not comprehend such complicated matters. As the days went by my sister's condition grew worse. My parents took her to several doctors but none could successfully identify the problem. One such doctor "diagnosed" my sister with ADD and even prescribed her medicine. This in turn only worsened her situation. My sister's condition soon became so bad that she was unable to graduate from her advanced high school. Her ability to function was gone. She was in all ways dependant on my mother, unable to go to college or fend for herself. I could tell by now there was a problem but it made me angry that I could not do anything about it. I watched as my sister went from an academically gifted, prodigy child into a mess. She was changing and I didn't know why. I saw faint reflections of her true self occasionally, but my real sister was lost. She was lost in an endless fog of her illness. After one severe episode my sister was moved to a hospital where she continued to have delusions. The nights my mother cried for hours on an end haunt me to this day.
Several incidences later my sister began to receive the true treatment she needed. A treatment that isn't guaranteed to cure and relies mainly on changes made to a lifestyle. Through the use of this treatment my sister began her gradual recovery, a recovery that slips up every now and then but still progresses forward. Watching my sister struggle through all her hardships and yet still have zeal to move on gives me strength. Watching my sister slip several times in her recovery yet always unfailingly get back up gives me power. Watching my sister never even once consider giving up no matter what challenges she comes across gives me hope. She is the reason I am able to face any challenge placed in front of me. It is because of her I can conquer any adversity that has or will be placed in my path.
Though my sister's situation changed drastically, she never gave up. This is an influence that I will carry throughout my life. Without a doubt my sister is the most important person who has made an impact on my life. I strongly believe that the lessons I learned through her will help me successfully pursue a degree at University of Texas. After all she is my sister, and I couldn't have asked for a better one.
Hi Akshay-
This is a beautiful story, and I really appreciate you sharing it with me. I actually see a theme in this essay--you admire our sister because of her perseverance. I also love how you made it chronological. A lot of essays I read for this topic are sort of all over the place. To bring this out, I'd restructure it a little bit. Here a suggestion:
Intro: The person I most impact on me is my sister. Her perseverance through challenges in her life are very inspirational.
Body1: Describe how your sister started out as a "academically gifted, prodigy child" going to an advanced high school, and dedicating herself to her studies, and how that inspired you to do so as well.
Body 2: Talk about how her situation changed, and you, being younger, were confused...and you watched her change. She wasn't the same person, but you still saw the same quality in her as she began to battle her diagnosis.
Body 3: Your sister got treatment, and is making a successful recovery. She has inspired you to conquer any adversity that you have faced, though they may be on a smaller scale (insert examples here).
Conclusion: Though her situation changed, your sister never gave up. This is an influence that you will carry with you throughout your life, and believe that this quality will help you successfully pursue a degree in ________ (insert major here) at _________(insert school name here).
By restructuring it like this, you get the opportunity to talk about your sister, as well as how you have applied her influence to better yourself. It also expresses that this is something that you will continue to apply to your life. Why don't you try this outline, then post another draft so we can take a look. Great job, and good luck! :)
-Kayla
Ok i have done as you have told, how about now?
Be strict about not using more words than necessary:
Even though it may seem cliché, a member of my family, my sister is the person that has made the most impact on my life. ---I understand what you are expressing, but it is not necessary to spend so many words on this... just do this:
Even though it may seem cliché, a member of my family, my sister is the person that has made the most impact on my life.
And you can still get more usefulness out of this sentence:
Even though it may seem cliché, my sister became the person that has made the most impact on my life when she ______________________________.
Now that will be a good way to introduce her! And it plants solid thoughts in the reader's mind.
Through the use of this treatment my sister began her gradual recovery. A recovery that slips up every now and then but still progresses forward.--you have a sentence fragment here. Do this:
Through the use of this treatment my sister began her gradual recovery -- a recovery that slips up every now and then but still progresses forward.-----with a dash
:-)
