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Sisterhood - WHY Wellesley


Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 15, 2011   #1
Wellesley
Sisterhood. Up until this point in my life, sisterhood has signified the blood relation between me and my siblings; however, at Wellesley, sisterhood defines the connection between every girl on campus.

As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity about the world continues to develop and will only be heightened at Wellesley. With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries, Wellesley will allow me to explore my love for learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand. Wellesley College is not just about being a member of the Psychology Department community; it is about being a member of the larger, Wellesley family. With small class sizes and educational advisors, Wellesley College appeals to me both academically and socially. Here I will pursue my goal of becoming a doctor, while forging the greatest friendships of my life. A Wellesley education will allow me to explore my passion for science and math, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. At Wellesley, I could use my autonomy to take advantage of the unique classes offered at several different colleges and to explore my love for knowledge.

From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley is the right college for me. On campus, I look forward to grabbing a quick snack at El Table, jumping in Lake Waban at the beginning of freshman year, listening to WZLY, and eating midnight breakfast during exams. Whether I spend the day studying for a psychology test or running around campus on Lake Day, four years at Wellesley College will help shape me into a successful adult. For me, Wellesley is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that cannot be experienced elsewhere. No matter where my Wellesley journey takes me, I will be constantly learning inside and outside of the classroom. The world is my playing field at Wellesley College, where I look forward to exploring all subjects of academia. I am ready to put on my blue and white; I am ready to join the Wellesley sisterhood.
Promise 5 / 8  
Jan 15, 2011   #2
Being in Wellesly college is not going to be all about Psychology... That's the correction. I would have to make. Also make the intro more catchy. Also you don't need to tell you're going to be a doctor. Put something else. I can't read what else u going to contribute to the college community if not friendship. Do some researches. WELLESLY IS COMETITIVE. Show don't tell! Nice piece. I would love to b ur friend. Nice job.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 15, 2011   #3
If you edit my essay I will edit yours in return. Please this is due today.
the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.'
Reaper1Shi 7 / 25  
Jan 15, 2011   #4
With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries, Wellesley will allow meI would be able to explore my love for learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand.

Otherwise a very personal essay. Love the HP reference. ;)
ItsokaytoGaga 15 / 96  
Jan 15, 2011   #5
From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, I knew I wanted to attend Wellesley College.

The sentence is a bit strange. You could perhaps rephrase it to say - From the Horwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley College has appealed/attracted me in so many ways that I knew, I always wanted to a part of it. Or perhaps something along the same lines. :-)

Part from that I think you are fine.
Good essay. It does its job well. :)
All the best!!

PLEASE guys help me with my Richmond essay!! It's due today! I will help you too! :)
Thanks.
shadowfax 5 / 22  
Jan 15, 2011   #6
It is a very nice essay. I really like your reference to Hogwarts! haha
I couldn't stop reading it. A well written essay.

However this line: "From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, I knew I wanted to attend Wellesley College" kinda sounds awkward and incomplete. Maybe something like "From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, everything convinced me that Wellesley College is the right college for me." Maybe? I don't know it's up to you. But it is a very good essay though...

Please help me with my GA Tech essay (the revised one). thanks!
shadowfax 5 / 22  
Jan 15, 2011   #7
From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley College immediately convinced me that Wellesley was the right college for me.

Much better than the original one. Here eliminate the second Wellesley and substitute an "it" for that and it will sound great! So it should be "From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, everything at Wellesley College immediately convinced me that it was the right college for me." Here you might think that "it" might make the reader skeptical about what you are referring to. But it is obvious that "it" refers to the college as you say that "it is the right college for me," referring to Wellesley. Hope I helped!

Good Luck! :)
shadowfax 5 / 22  
Jan 15, 2011   #8
You're Hogwarts line is great and simple now as you say it right away! haha

Wellesley College is not just about being a member of the Psychology Department community; it is about being a member of the larger, Wellesley family.

Here are you sure that a semicolon works? I am not good with semicolons. I think I would put a comma there. But again, I am not sure about it...

Good Luck!

Please help me with mine!
mimiQ 5 / 11  
Jan 15, 2011   #9
Studying in Wellesley is not just about being a member of the Psychology Department community;

"studying", "being", i realize these two verb positions should match

At Wellesley, I could use my autonomy to take advantage of the unique classes offered at several different colleges and to explore my love for knowledge ---> you dont "explore" the "love", you might say "explore other fields" or "dabble in a variety of other subjects".

one more question: your essay's title is "sisterhood" and so i realized it doesn't relate to most of your essay. I like your essay a lot but its title just doesn't seem right to me. just my little thought.

Good job on the essay and best luck to your Wellesely application!!! :)


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