I am six foot tall; Height and U Chicago

How has my height affect me?
Can you tell me if my essay flows wells and any grammatical errors?

I am six-foot tall, and I have a love-hate relationship with my height. The difficulty in accepting my height derives from earlier experiences in middle school and high school; they were vital times where appearance played huge a role in social relationships. It wasn't always a pleasant experience, as there were times when I didn't feel quite as "girly" as my female classmates. To make matters worse, I was frequently ostracized by my peers for being the tallest person in my grade. More times than less, I was referred to as a 'tall tree' or a 'giraffe.' The criticism from my peers at the time created a low sense-of-self within me and began to weigh down on my security and confidence. My peers' criticism about my height caused me to have low self-esteem. I would often cry myself to sleep, wondering why God made me so tall.

I soon found the answer to this question during an incident that occurred in the eleventh grade which led me to accept my height. My peers were in the lounge room, in my school for the dual-enrollment students, and I stumble upon their conversation. They were making fun of several of the teachers at my school, and I did not think much of their conversation, so I sat down in one of the nearby chairs. The environment was warming and inviting, filled with joy and laughter. However, that all changed when I heard about a text message my peers created about me. They said, "Mariame looks like a combination of a flamingo and giraffe lost in our world. She needs to go back where she came from." When I heard this, my heart dropped and an overwhelming feeling of sadness covered me like a blanket and began to suffocate me. It reminded me of similar situations that occurred in middle school, which I did not want to relive in high school. The presences of my friends and family helped me gain my confidence back. They reassured me that my peers' attitude and action towards me were done out of spite and envy, which clouded their better judgment towards taller individuals. At that point, I vowed to nurture my confidence with my height and used it to overcome people's spiteful attitudes and progress to a happy place in life.

My height has allowed me the opportunity to not be the 'average' girl and to gain confidence within myself in all aspects of life such as academics. With my new-found confidence, I could open many closed doors. I realized people tend to connect with age; therefore, they gave me more respect than a shorter counterpart. Needless to say, I used this observation to my advantage, and began to take on more leadership roles. With this platform, I allowed not only my opinions to be heard, but also others who need a voice. My height has also allowed me to be a socialite, in the sense that I am better seen; therefore, I am approached by people more often.

As I have grown taller, I have evolved from a girl facing nothing but emptiness to a woman who has blossomed and overcome the struggle that people rarely see or feel. This evolution has designed a persona within me that is more iridescent and welcoming, which lead me to become more courageous in the world.

You have quite a strong essay and it is well developed but I think you should go into detail on how you really push yourself out of the shell to overcome those insults and relate it more to why you're so determined to go to the school. Humble reviews, good luck! :)

I used this as a creative story. I wrote another essay talking specify to why I want to go to this school. Are there any grammatical errors or does it lack flow?

In the last paragraph you dont need to say "I could open many closed doors", it can be inferred that if you could open something that it was previously not opened (or closed) and you should probably change it to can instead of could (the affirmative helps (shows action)).

I look forward to your next essay about your hair color and how your house # has affected your personal development.

the e has an accent on top of it (don't know how to do it in USA keyboards)

For the rest, I agree with nair, the essay is solid but the last part (from My height has allowed me...) should be polished:


: this sentence's sense is confusing. The word socialitĂŠ shouldn't be used in that context (regrettably I can't offer you a better wording, so I'll just point out some "sense flaws")


: here it does not seem right to use the word "lead", I'd personally use "allowed". Also, you should be more specific about "more courageous in the world", rephrase and talk a bit more about it.

That's all I can do for now, good luck!!

How is this?

As I have grown taller, I have evolved from a girl facing nothing but emptiness to a woman who has blossomed and overcome the struggle that people rarely see or feel. This evolution has designed a persona within me that is more iridescent and welcoming, which allowed me to become more courageous in the world. I have finally reached a point in my life where I can confidently seek opportunities outside my comfort zone and executive them efficiently. Reflecting back on journey, I realized if I had the opportunity to become shorter, I would not have taken it.

in my opinion, it may sound better if you add some words or sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Just saying :)

Can you clarify your comment?

I mean you need transactions